I confess I had a vested interest in being extra kind to this woman.

After all, I was there for a blood draw, and from the minute I walked into her office, she seemed to have BIG TIME ANGER pouring out of her. I wasn’t particularly enthused about being the “target” of this ferociousness she was carrying. 

In an attempt to diffuse her, I started with, “Thanks so much for doing what you do for a living. I really appreciate it, since it’s not a job I could do. I’m grateful for you.”

She basically hissed her reply: “Yeah.”

And now she’s coming at me, ready to do what she needs to do. 

I quickly interjected, “How’s your day going so far?” For better or worse (almost always better), people usually tell me the real deal. 

She softened a little. She shared a few words about how it hadn’t been the best day.

To be clear, my next words weren’t coming from a place of avoiding the stabbing I feared, but rather, I know a person who needs some compassion when I see one. After all, it’s what I do here — encourage people to find compassion and curiosity rather than disconnection. (And, of course, I was still aware that my arm was at the mercy of whatever she chose next.)

She shared a bit more.

With sincerity, I validated her emotions. I told her I totally “get” how rough days can be. No sugar coating; no dismissing with a sprinkle of positivity about how tomorrow will be better before “seeing” the person in front of me. 

Matching her energy (which was already much calmer), we continued to chat, I continued to validate her feelings, and within a couple of minutes, she had moved from anger to a gentle sadness. I told her that she’s always worthy of kindness, respect, and compassion. She softened a LOT then, as if it was the reminder she needed to hear. Validation that she’s worthy. Period. 

Being a parent, I know how to hold space for this. Somewhat to my surprise, she asked me to say a prayer for her then and there, which I did, and her anger-turned-sadness lifted. She thanked me, did her job, and we said a warm goodbye. 

This got me thinking about parenting, of course. How often does a child act out in anger, only for the adult to punish the “attitude” rather than looking beneath it?

How often does a child “talk back” or “misbehave,” only for the adult to disallow it?

Believe me, there are definitely times I’ve gotten this WRONG. I’ve gotten it wrong with people in the wild (if someone cuts me off on the freeway, I’m not sending them roses). I’ve gotten it wrong with my own child, as well — especially on the days I’m tired or hungry or overwhelmed.

But in the moments where we can remember to be CURIOUS; to VALIDATE EMOTIONS; to HOLD SPACE for whatever comes out, it’s truly amazing how quickly behavior can shift from being problematic to healing for whoever’s involved. 

Especially this time of year, when people are carrying all SORTS of memories and burdens, may we be mindful of the power of showing up for one another. I’m going to keep looking for opportunities to do this, too.

Every single person deserves to feel “seen.”

With love,

Sarah, author of “Peaceful Discipline”