Lemonade

Something happened earlier today that really hurt emotionally.

As I often do, I had a bit of a freeze/fawn response, where I’m sure I looked fine on the outside, but was sad, angry, confused, & overwhelmed on the inside. It felt like I could collapse into tears at any moment, but since grew up shutting down emotions, that’s still my default. I know how to “look fine.”

Appearances are interesting, aren’t they?

Fortunately, I’ve learned this about myself. And I know what to do now. In this case, I said to my husband, who was there when it happened, “I know I look fine, but I am not okay.”

It’s brave to be able to say out loud, “I am not okay.” I’m proud of myself for being able to verbalize it. It’s cycle breaking in action (even when it’s our own new patterns that are healthier than the old ones).

It was nearly dinnertime when it happened, and in an effort to keep us on schedule, I proceeded with cooking. I opened the fridge and saw these. They’re not for dinner, but I realized they’ve been in there long enough that I need to do something with them.

Maybe it was my subconscious sense of humor, or God speaking through my fridge (so to speak), but I heard myself think, “Make lemonade from lemons.”

I also thought, “Not now, brain. Not funny yet. Too soon.”

But the thing is, that’s exactly what I’ll do. I’ll find a way to feel what I need to feel while also finding the blessings hidden amidst the tricky stuff. It’s not toxic positivity; it’s HOPE.

Resilience is learned. Sometimes things hurt, AND we can still choose what we want our next step to be. We can keep putting ourselves out there. Loving others. Showing up for ourselves with boundaries that keep us safe. Asking for help when we need it.

And, in age appropriate ways, we don’t keep this process hidden from our children, because they’re going to need to learn how to be resilient, too. They won’t learn that if all we model is how to be “fine.” We can show them the healthy steps we take to accept these things and come out stronger, or at least clearer, on the other side.

We can model the healing process because we all need it sometimes. Our children need to learn how to do this if we want them to thrive.

So yeah, I’m going to make lemonade, because even in the tricky moments, we always have the choice to not stay stuck in discomfort; stuck with the lemons, as it were.

One healing choice at a time, and our children get to witness it.

xo,

Sarah, author of “Peaceful Discipline,” optimist, and maker of lemonade