Please sign in if you're already registered. Don't have an account with us? Sign up using the form below and get some free bonuses!
Sign in
Sign up
If "play is the work of childhood" (a quote by child psychologist Jean Piaget), then playful parenting is the best way we can work with our children. It's the absolute key to cooperation.
Children play "rain or shine"---it helps them decrease stress, learn new things, and figure out the world (source). Parents do well to remember that the time we invest playing not only helps us connect to our kids, but also makes our job as parents easier. I've never met a child who didn't love it when a parent brought a playful attitude and laughter to the relationship. It helps kids feel close and emotionally understood.
We want to enjoy our interactions with our children. If we focus on "getting" them do things, the relationship becomes about power. Instead, I'd encourage parents to work alongside their children as partners against whatever problems they're trying to solve.
True, for our kids' well being, we need to set healthy boundaries—our influence is key in that. That's what positive parenting is all about; working with kids rather than against them. Being a playful parent signals to a child that we're on their side—we're in this together. We can connect and be close without power struggles.
Pin for later!
What does playful parenting look like in action?
How does it work, though, for adults who aren't as naturally playful as kids are? Our brains are wired quite differently from theirs! As we know, kids can have fun playing with parents, friends, and even cardboard boxes. (Fortunately, boxes are wonderful toys.)
The tips below work especially well for ages of 2 - 7, but versions of them can continue well beyond these years.
Brushing teeth
One fun way to accomplish this is to feign total incompetence. As you approach your child with her hairbrush, say, "Open wide! Time to brush your teeth!" Similarly, holding the toothbrush, say, "Oh, this will make your hair so fancy!" Your child will love the feeling of power and total competence as they point out the error of your ways. You, of course, will be shocked to learn your mistake. With exaggerated hesitation, you will try it their way for a moment. After a minute (especially if they start to protest), add, "That's right! I use this on your ARM! Arm, be still." Use your own arm if need be. It's okay to go back and forth a time or three to get it done.
Going potty
Try to trust your child's timing here. If they need help remembering to check, however, make it fun. Maybe they're climbing onto a choo choo train. Perhaps it's a rocket that's about to blast off to a new solar system.
Putting on clothes
Do YOU, parent, fit into that 3T sweater? Please try. If your child isn't keen to get dressed, a bit of laughter clears the air and helps you connect. It's worth the time to slow down and be silly if it cancels the 45-minute tantrum that might otherwise ensue.
Another great way to accomplish getting your child ready for the day is to involve the stuffed animals. They're your allies. Can your child dress a doll while you're putting on his socks? Can your kiddo tell you what his animal friend needs to wear for his rainy day, and what he might need to do to match him? Get your kids outside their heads here. Involve them in care taking,
Cleaning up toys
Cease talking about cleaning and all that "responsibility" rubbish (child view). Since this is a common trouble spot, I'll share several ideas. The key idea is this: Changing your nomenclature helps tremendously. Use kid terms. Not only enter, but lead, the world of make-believe.
When you see a bunch of toy cars all over the floor, notice the incredible traffic jam. The drivers need help getting back to their proper parking garage (the toy box)! "Drive" them back together. Sound effects help.
Building blocks have somehow scattered across the floor and need to make it back into the bag? No problem! You're not holding a bag; you're holding the HUNGRY MONSTER. "Feed me!" it bellows playfully. "Hungry! Must eat blocks! More! More!" On it goes until the mess is gone.
Even for adults, playing this way lightens our moods. Imagine what it does for our kiddos!
Get creative. If something doesn't have a logical "home" (like cars in a box you call a parking garage), make it silly. "Let's put all the dolls in the tree house [on the shelf] for the night!" Even a paper bag can be a "tent" for something. Bring toys and their storage spaces to life.
Lastly, remember how incompetent you were at brushing teeth and hair? You're even worse when it comes to picking up the toys! A ball? It weighs as much as a semi truck! How in the world can you lift it? Can someone save the day? (Many children love to rescue adults.) That giant toy elephant, however, is a breeze for you---it's light as a feather. Your superpowers are very confusing---and hilarious.
Getting out the door
Although I often shy away from competition, this is the one time I'll offer a race. Who can put on shoes the fastest and touch the doorknob? For some kids (particularly highly sensitive ones), however, competition causes anxiety, so use it with caution.
Would anyone like to hop to the door like a bunny? Roll across the rug to get there? Be carried and spun in circles? Sometimes a different mode of transportation is all they need.
Supporting parents with day-to-day responsibilities
If your child can help put away non-breakable items from the dishwasher, for example, let them try. A great question to ask (even if they've done it before) is "Do you think you're strong enough to move these cups from the dishwasher to the counter?" Children love feeling competent. So much of their existence includes not knowing what to do, so when they feel capable, it's incredibly empowering for them.
Playful parents aren't doling out chores to their kids and leaving them to complete them on their own.
This is involved parenting. This is parenting for connection. Sure, it might seem to take more time "in the moment," but ultimately, it can save your kiddo buckets full of tears and help you both feel like you're really in this together as a team. Because you are!
And, you might be surprised how willing children become to do tasks on their own after they've learned in an emotionally safe place with you---and they feel connected. It's a wonderful return on your investment. Long-term connections start when kids are little. Being a playful parent is a part of the equation that you can both enjoy.
This post contains affiliate links. As Amazon Associates, we earn from qualifying purchases. Your purchases help us support important charities.
Growing up, I always wanted a white Christmas--there was just something magical about waking up to a blanket of snow on that special day. It was the perfect day to stay inside with all the physical and emotional warmth Christmas offered before diving into the snow and playing outside. I still hope for a white Christmas, but these days, what’s even more important to me is a green one. By a green Christmas, I don’t mean I want to see the grass instead of the snow. Instead, I mean I want one that’s still as heartwarming as those from years gone by, but a much more sustainable version of that with which I was raised.
After all, conscious parenting and the need for sustainability apply all year ‘round, including during the holidays. Raffi’s Child Honouring course includes a full section about sustainability for those who want to learn more.
Pin for later!
With that in mind, here are eight great tips to help you have a green Christmas.
1. If you’re going to get a tree, get a real one.
“With 8m real trees in the process of being purchased this Christmas, the idea of saving one from the axe might be prompting the move to fake ones this year in the belief that they are more environmentally friendly.
But environmentalists and energy analysts would disagree. Take one
BONUS IDEA: If you're willing to forgo gifts this year, please consider donating what you would've spent to reputable charities who support people in need.
key product detail of these thousands of artificial trees – they are made of plastic. It is the manufacture of the plastic tree,
from oil, which creates most of its carbon footprint; around two thirds, according to Dr John Kazer of the Carbon Trust. Another quarter is created by the industrial emissions produced when the tree is made. They are also often shipped long distances before arriving in the shop and then your home.
A 6.5ft artificial tree has a carbon footprint equivalent to about 40kg of greenhouse gas emissions – which is more than twice that of a real tree that ends its life in landfill and more than 10 times that of a real tree which is burnt...” (Source)
2. Send electronic cards instead of paper ones.
I confess that I love touching paper. Books, cards, you name it; paper is practically my love language. However, as much as I love cards, they're just not worth their negative impact on sustainability.
The average letter has a carbon footprint of about 29 grams of CO2. The carbon footprint of a normal email footprint is much less, about 4 grams of CO2. (Source)
With just a couple of exceptions, we'll be sending e-cards this year.
If the idea of not sending paper cards troubles you, you can take small steps. Strike 20 names from your list. If you can’t do that, try 10. Start somewhere.
As conscious as we are about sustainability the rest of the year, it’s really tempting to continue habits we’ve held onto since we were kids. Part of that, of course, is gift giving. To be clear, I’m not saying don’t give gifts. It makes sense, however, to consider the planet and our impact when we’re thinking about how to put a smile on a loved one's face.
Recycled golf balls make a great (and green!) token gift to represent the experience gift that's coming. They're also great on their own!
Here are a few green Christmas "experience gifts" that people in our family have loved:
Dad and Granddad: a gift certificate for a round of golf
Mom and Grandma: a designated “Girls’ Day” at the art museum
Kids: a special visit to the local animal sanctuary
All of us: Tickets to the Nutcracker Ballet
Sure, it’s fun to have something to touch; something to open. If that's important to you, there are ways to accomplish this while keeping the gifts themselves to a minimum. For example, buy a package of recycled golf balls to represent the gift to Dad and Granddad (afflinks). Choose a pretty frame for a homemade drawing from your child, or a family photo, for Mom and Grandma to represent the art you’ll see together at the museum. Find a really sweet stuffed animalfor your child to represent the sanctuary.
Moreover, for whatever you do choose to purchase, buy locally whenever you can. This can make a big and positive impact on your carbon footprint.
4. Reuse wrapping paper or gift bags (or skip them!).
Reusable gift bags available in lots of colors and sizes.
My great grandmother was infamous for urging us not to rip the paper every Christmas morning. Now that I’m older and understand better, she was really onto something! We are reusing previous years' paper for as many years as we can make it stretch before it nearly falls to bits in our recycling bin. And once it’s gone, we aren’t replacing it. In the meantime, it still looks just as pretty as it ever did under the lights of the tree.
Find gifts that get your kids outside, that are good for their bodies, and that will last for years.
5. Skip bows and ribbons entirely.
We have a few large red bows (which we've given the moniker “tarantula bows” because they've existed in our family for generations and are mangled enough to show it). They look pretty terrible, but they’re actually kind of hilarious that way. We’ve all come to love them and dive to protect them if someone is handling them too roughly. Aside from these, though---which we can place strategically on top of whatever's most visible under the tree---we don't need any other ribbons or bows. Let your kids decorate the wrapping paper with markers. It's more fun, anyway, and it's a great way to involve them.
6. Ditch plastic for sustainable gifts.
Choose more sustainable products instead of conventionally manufactured ones. Gifts made of natural and renewable materials are best by far. Many are specifically marked for sustainability. If you shop locally, make sure to ask your merchants for the sources of their products.
A play house for years of fun.
7. Get a bigger bang for your buck.
Just the other day, my six-year-old said to me out of the blue, “Do you remember that year I got my jungle gym for Christmas? It was so big — I didn’t even think there could be a present under blankets like that!”
That Christmas was three years ago, and it stuck with her half her life. Rather than lots of little presents (which, as much as we hate to admit it, might not be entirely memorable), consider a single big gift that will last for years. That's a much more sustainable option. We've never regretted having done this when we could. Similar fun and big ideas to the jungle gym would be a bike, a play house or a trampoline.
Bikes last for years and are better for the planet. A great way to get your kids off to a healthy and sustainable start!
Buy fewer gifts; make them count.
8. Adjust your holiday meal.
For those of us who have a history of having more leftovers than we can freeze / turn into soup / repurpose into another meal somehow, consider revising the meal plan. Many grocery stores will sell partial portions of their "big serving" options if you simply ask. Downsize the meal plan to fit your family. No need to buy more than you need just because it's Christmas.
If you do end up buying more than you need, find a place to donate your excess. There are many hungry people at Christmastime and throughout the year.
A green Christmas is one focused on sustainability.
More importantly, however, it's one that focuses on the true spirit of the season.
I'm fully aware that I'm writing this from a place of privilege compared to most of the world. Find a way to help others. For a bonus idea, if you're willing to forgo gifts this year and have the option financially, please consider donating what you would've spent to reputable charities who support people in need. Discuss it with your family. Make a difference not only this time of year, but whenever you can.
I'm sending you and yours all the love in the world. Happy holidays to you and yours!
Many kids have an inherent panic response when Mom or Dad starts counting, "1...2...3..."---the three most fearsome numbers of childhood. Although the consequences differ from household to household, counting is often code for imminent trouble. Peaceful, positive parenting can change that. Rather than counting to three as a threat (suggesting punishment that's rarely effective anyway), counting can be a useful parenting tool for you. Here's how.
When you're upset with your child, silently count to three, just for yourself, while thinking about a special moment in your child's past (or future).
For those brief seconds, recall a tender moment when your little one was a baby. Remember the feeling of those tiny fingers wrapped around yours. Alternatively, imagine your "baby" being older and moving out of your home. Picturing either extreme will automatically ground you and help you remember how fleeting this moment is. Part of positive parenting can include using mindfulness techniques like this one.
Great for pinning!
If your child is asking to do something you'd rather not do, see if you can say "yes" and grant their request for three seconds (or three minutes, or whatever you can manage).
Walking past a playground recently on our way somewhere else, my daughter wanted to stop and swing on the swings. We really didn't have time. I could tell by looking at her, though, that it was important to her. So, I said, "Yes, you may swing for three seconds before we keep walking. I'll start counting as soon as you get on the swing, and when I get to three, it'll be time to go." She agreed.
She shed no tears; she didn't negotiate for more time (aside from my agreeing that it was reasonable for her swing to slow down before she hopped off). Part of her lack of desire to negotiate in situations like this is that she's learned she'll often get a "yes"---even if just a brief one.
These little "yeses" can go so far in supporting connection with your child. Some might argue that their child wouldn't get off the swing so easily, but I wonder if they'd consider the time they'd lose in managing their child's disappointment, and the missed opportunity to connect.
It's easy to say yes more often once you practice, and once you build trust with your child that it's what your answer will often be. The "forbidden fruit" they're seeking will feel less forbidden, and therefore be less of a draw, if they feel you're on their side.
This approach also makes your parenting approach easier for your kids because they learn when "no" really needs to happen. They trust it's not arbitrary.
If a transition from one activity to another is hard (as it often is for kids) and you're triggered because you need to move onto the next task, use your "three" to give them a few moments to adjust to whatever needs to happen next.
In our house when my child was younger, this "counting to three" took the form of "Would you like to go put on your shoes now, or would you like me to hold you while I count to three so you'll have some time to prepare?" It worked amazingly well. It's as if my child really needed that count of three to ready herself for whatever was coming next, even if the task was as mundane (in adult eyes) as brushing teeth or walking to the car.
Three seconds to adjust is often just enough time to connect and make the transition easier for both of you.
"Three" can be a place of peace.
It can be a "yes space" for both of you, child and parent, where you ground yourselves for a better interaction and greater connection. And it can be as easy as 1, 2...well, you know.
____________________________________
Further reading
Go here to find more of our favorite positive parenting books. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Your purchases help us support important charities.
"...and the stockings were hung by the chimney with care." Still, it's sometimes tempting to consider the stocking stuffers for kids a formality before moving to the "good stuff" under the tree. Truth be told, and writing as a Mom who shops for the aforementioned stocking stuffers for kids, they're sometimes an afterthought even for me. With that in mind, we'd like to bring some joy and creativity back to stocking stuffers for kids! (afflinks)
Here are our family's top picks for stocking stuffers for kids (and kids at heart). They're simple. Fun. QUIET (bonus for highly sensitive kids and parents alike). They're reusable or recyclable, so they're better for the planet. And for extra points, they don't break the bank.
Aside from rocks and sticks, this is pretty much the original low-tech fun.
What we love about it: everyone in the family wants a turn with this low-tech, old-fashioned goodness. And
long after the other presents lose their novelty, this one is still slinking around the house (sorry, not sorry). I don't know anyone, young or old, who tires of seeing how far it can stretch and whether it's going to get stuck on the stairs. It's a sure winner in the eternal fun category for stocking stuffers for kids.
What would you think if I told you one of my favorite memories is my entire extended family
Just TRY not to have fun with these.
putting on fake mustaches together? My cousin's baby kept trying to eat hers from her upper lip, so her Mama turned it into the most hilarious baby-unibrow instead. My then-three-year-old mostly looked concerned about the facial hair everyone had spontaneously sprouted (but seemed unconcerned with her own).
To be clear, wearing goofy things isn't something my family would typically do. That's part of what made it so funny. Before you judge me too harshly, might I suggest you try your own? Handlebar or pencil-style, there's something for
everyone. We reuse them in funny art and craft projects. Caterpillars to glue on projects, anyone?
Hilarious fun for the whole family. What a great way to connect!
Remember these stocking stuffers for kids? They're pretty much the ultimate awesome stocking stuffer for kids, word lovers, and aspiring grammarians. I remember one night of playing Mad Libs when the entire family's noun of choice was "pickle." You can only imagine. We were all crying tears of laughter by the end of the game. What a fun way to connect!
(Click the heading for our full list and an easy way to browse.)
One of our all-time favorites!
Big or small, books are good for developing brains. With all the time we spend on electronics, there's something really special about snuggling up and reading together.
What makes our book list different from many others, though, is that we specifically chose these books because they're "safe" (as my sensitive five-year-old decided). They don't scare anyone in our house, and they have only positive messages. They make wonderful stocking stuffers for kids.
And personally, Zoey & Sassafras is one of my favorite series of books because it covers all those bases. Truth be told, I'm a book snob, and these are the ones that are on my "good list" as stocking stuffers for kids.
And of course, reading The Night Before Christmas has become part of our Christmas morning tradition. Santa would approve!
Great stocking stuffer for kids! Click each image on the website to see more styles.
Although we list some of these in our travel products (they're great for traveling with kids!), we play with them year-
round in our house.They're a solid stocking stuffer for kids because they're a wonderful activity to keep children still for awhile, or a great way to play when somebody's tired or under the weather. They're great for building concentration. Plus, I love how reusable they are.
They're great as stocking stuffers for kids, and they also worked great in an advent calendar for us a couple of years ago (we use a "surprise" system for items that are too big for the compartments). Our
Reusable stickers are better for the planet and also make wonderful stocking stuffers for kids.
kiddo had a fantastic microscope, so we let her STEM skills soar by giving her some new things to examine. Plus, we delivered them in increments rather than all at once, so they lasted awhile. Still now, years later, she looks at them under the same microscope. These were a great investment for us, and in her education.
Although these are a bit more "standard" when it comes to stocking stuffers for kids, they're universally entertaining. Plus, they're great options for the advent calendar, too.
How fast can you solve it? How about a family-friendly race?
If my child (or my spouse) is going to spend hours lost in staring at something, I'd vote to replace electronics with something like the classic Cube puzzle! I've never solved it personally, but I watched a man sitting next to me on an airplane do "time trials" where he repeatedly solved it in less than a minute. It was incredible to watch. Can you do it? If so, how fast? How about a family challenge?
These are great for when I'm having trouble reading something small (I mean...cough, cough, not me). Seriously, though, I had no idea how much use these would get in my house. You'd be amazed how often my child has "had to look at something more closely" and goes to fetch these to help her. She might go for a couple of weeks without using them but ALWAYS remembers them and comes back to them. They were a solid purchase for our house!
Looking for some moments of zen in your playroom (or your kitchen or anywhere else)? This stuff is transfixing in the very best way. We all end up playing with it for hours on end. It's a great calm-down activity when it's time to relax post-Christmas hype.
No matter which you choose, these stocking stuffers for kids are sure to bring smiles to children of all ages.
Now, if only I can get my husband to share with my child...we're working on it.
And just in case you're counting days, here's the official countdown. May your Christmas be merry and bright!
Moving with kids isn't easy. Heck, moving without kids is hard, too. I understand so well; my six-year-old child has known four homes in her life so far, and she's about to know more. Although it's not any easier to pack the boxes this time around, I've learned some important lessons that truly do make moving with kids easier for the whole family.
Some of these tips address the emotional side of moving with kids; some are logistical.
Tell kids when you know the details of your move.
How's your poker face? Yeah, mine isn't so good either, and especially not with big news. To the extent that it's important to name the proverbial elephant in the room, let kids know early that you're moving. Children don't like life altering surprises sprung on them any more than adults do. Allow them time to process.
Besides, it's much better if they hear the news from you directly than if they overhear it in conversation (or from someone else). Our kids deserve honesty.
That said, if possible, do wait until you can share some details with them versus an anxiety-fostering "We might be moving." Kids thrive on knowing what to expect in life, so an ambiguous "We're selling the house and that's all we know" would likely cause some unnecessary worry.
A better option might be, "We're selling the house and moving in with Grandma for the summer" or "We're going to move from this house to an apartment that's closer to the beach!" It helps all of us to have something specific and positive to imagine when we're fantasizing about our new life ahead.
Be as specific as possible with them about what to expect. Spell out the steps and the process for them, especially if they've never moved before.
They'll want to know why you're packing; who will come get the stuff; all the things we take for granted as adults.
When moving with kids, be real about all the feelings -- theirs and yours.
Whether or not you're happy about moving, you're likely to feel a whole lot of things. Not to mention, moving with kids is exhausting physically and emotionally (even more than regular kid-free moving). That's completely normal.
As I write this and ponder our own upcoming move, I'm somewhere between joyful and excited and trusting, to panicking, feeling overwhelmed, and mourning leaving our friends behind. It's all there.
And do you know what children are likely to feel? All those same things. Just like our feelings can turn on a dime with "big life changes" like moving, theirs can, too.
Allow space for their feelings; allow grace for all the emotions they (and you) need to express.
It's important to be your authentic self with your children (they know you!) without having them feel emotionally responsible for your feelings. If you're sad, it's helpful to say things like, "I'm sad to be leaving my friend Tracy, and I'm working through my feelings about that. I want you to know, however, that I've got this. And I'm looking forward to staying in touch with her after we move." (The "I've got this" of a version thereof is important.) Your kids need to know that you're still their emotional rock.
Pin this!
Similarly, when you're moving with kids, avoid imposing your experience on them.
Yesterday as we were leaving church, I mistakenly projected my own feelings and asked my child, "Wow, doesn't it feel strange to be leaving this church?"
My child replied, "Not at all, Mommy. We leave church every week."
Ha! Indeed we do. Not everything that's surreal to me needs to be a big emotional experience to her.
When moving with kids, let your child have as many "regular" moments as you can. Just because your head never strays from the impending move for more than 10 seconds, that's not your child's job. Your child's job is to be a child.
Ask your children what's important to them about where you live now. What do they like? Their answers might surprise you. For instance, I expected my child would want to see her favorite playground one more time before we move. We did that and we both verbalized our goodbyes to it. I didn't necessarily expect, however, that she'd want to say goodbye
to the bronze otter that sits outside our local City Hall.
Goodbye, Otter. We love you.
And goodbye, goats who live down the block. Goodbye, library. And my oh my, goodbye bakery with the really good cookies. (Sniff.)
Talk about moving by using books, songs, and play.
So much about moving with kids involves adults talking to them. As with all important topics, though, children sometimes assimilate information better if we communicate in child-focused ways.
For instance, you can sing songs about moving on to whatever lies ahead. I made one up that had lyrics somewhat similar to this one.
You can read books about moving. This one has stood the test of time in our house. (Ahem, our houses.)
As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Your purchases help us support important charities.
Draw pictures about moving. Ask your child to draw a picture to hang on his or her new bedroom wall. Help her envision joyful surroundings.
For little kids, role play. Stuffed animals are wonderful communicators when children speak to and through them. They're common in some types of play therapy and can be wonderful for children's stress relief.
When moving with kids, keep whatever sense of normalcy you can.
Keep your rituals as close to the usual and familiar as possible---especially those rituals that foster connection between you. This makes moving easier on children; they know the connection isn't going anywhere.
Make time for hugs, touch, and play.Be very conscious about these things. It's easy for kids to feel abandoned while we adults are busy being "productive."
One way my child and I connect on a regular basis is by reading together. Although I had to pack all of her books in various boxes, I borrowed copies of her favorites from the library. That way, we could still read and connect in our usual way. The stories gave her familiarity and comfort.
Keep mealtimes and bedtimes as consistent as possible, too.It's tricky enough for a child to manage all the changes without their physical body trying to figure out which way is up. Plus, if bedtime is still bedtime, you can get more packing done after hours.
Mark the boxes with your children's belongings differently.
Here's another logistical one for you when moving with kids. Obviously, it helps to label your boxes with their contents. What's particularly helpful for children, however, is to mark their boxes in really obvious ways so that they're the easiest to find.
We attach an inch or two of colorful masking tape to my child's most important boxes. We'll find those first once we're in our new place.
For bonus points, invite your child to help pack. For some kids, it helps them process. Packing makes others sad. Personally, I don't mandate my daughter's involvement. It's her choice and I let her know ahead of time what I'm going to pack next (since she might not see whatever it is for awhile).
Prioritize safety.
It sounds like it goes without saying, but make sure to keep scissors and other dangerous items out of places where a child might inadvertently knock them off a counter or step on them. That goes for when you arrive at your new home, too.
Have I ever told you about the time my child was 18 months old and I didn't realize the house we'd just moved into had a gas stove --- she saw interesting knobs to turn, and the next thing I knew, the nearby packing paper was on fire? There were no injuries, thank goodness, but it was an important lesson for me!
Most of all, connect. Offer grace and give yourself some, too.
Your child loves you where you live now. Your child will love you in your new location. The boxes will come and go and you'll all get through this. Moving with kids isn't the easiest life experience, but truth be told, it's an opportunity to grow together. Breathe and trust in that.
After all, home is where the heart is.
The "terrible twos" have a reputation, even among non-parents. The moniker has become so commonplace that at just the very mention of a second birthday, well-meaning friends reference the possibility of impending doom, as if the milestone is going to summon something akin to a year-long root canal.
Is it warranted, though? As a positive parenting writer and educator---and not to mention as a mom---I've heard from a whole lot of parents that the "twos" would be more appropriately named the "terrific twos," with nary a cloud in sight. Why the confusion?
When it comes right down to it, the fear of "terrible twos" isn't so much about the child; but rather, it's about our own lack of confidence about how to parent this newly emerging toddler.
I recall one afternoon shortly after my own daughter turned two. She looked at me and announced ever so confidently, "Park. No pants." Hold the phone---when did she learn to say "park?" And was she actually
This post contains affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Your purchases help us support important charities.
requesting to go there without any pants on? (She was. We went; her, without pants, and me, fully clothed. It was warm. No one batted an eye.) I realized at that moment that the baby I'd just figured out, suddenly wasn't that person anymore. She was evolving before my eyes.
So, true. We do need to adjust our parenting at this milestone age.
Whereas before we had a child who was likely happy to be carried much of the time, we now have someone who wants to walk. (And by walk, I mean sprint precariously forward, and usually with turbo speed when stairs or vehicles are present.) Suddenly, we need to sprint after a fully functioning human body, andthat's new to us.
Whereas before we could talk to our little person and he'd smile or babble in response, we now have someone who's forging his own opinions about things. Suddenly, we need to navigate a new opinion in the house, and that's new to us.
Whereas before, nap time came fairly easily, we now have a child who realizes, "Heyyyyy...you get to keep playing out there, but I'm supposed to SLEEP?" Our children are more aware than they've ever been before, and that's new to us.
As tempting as it is to blame the "terrible twos" for all of this, it's all part of normal child development.
The human brain will never again grow as fast as it's growing right now in these first few years of childhood. As much as it is for us---the adults---to process, it's even more overwhelming for the little people to whom this "growing up" thing is happening. Sometimes, it manifests in what adults perceive as suboptimal behavior, such as tantrums.
One important thing to note is that throwing a tantrum isn't about disobedience; it's a little one's way of saying, "This is pretty overwhelming right now! Can you please support me?" Unfortunately, two year olds often lack the verbal skills, not to mention the development in the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that controls impulses) to help them do anything other than exactly what they're doing. Some quick brain science: the prefrontal cortex doesn't fully develop until around age 25.
I realize that when a child throws a temper tantrum at the grocery store or on the playground, it's inconvenient. Sometimes, it's downright embarrassing. If situations like that irk you, please know you're not alone. Remain calm; practice deep breathing.
If I had a single piece of advice around your child's big feelings, I'd suggest that you let go completely about what other people think and simply connect to your child. This connection is going to get you through age two, and all of the other years that follow. Now is a great time to practice.
And here's the crazy thing---most "terrible twos" spend very little time upset. In my personal and professional experience, two year olds are incredibly delightful most of the time. The amount of time they spend being curious, giggly, and affectionate far outweighs anything else.
If anyone tells you otherwise, surprise them with your compassion.
Surprise people with your ability to see the joy at your child's newfound mobility and freedom, because it's new to him. We can learn to run faster.
Surprise people with your gentle support of your child's awesome new ways to show you "This is who I am and what I like," because advocating for herself is new to her. (And how freeing it must be to clearly know your boundaries like little kids do. What a gift they have this way!) We can learn to help our child navigate communication.
Surprise people with your flexibility around forced sleep times; we all sleep when we're tired enough, and this incredible desire to play with you every waking hour is new to your child, too. We can learn to adapt.
Sure enough, when we figure out how to modify our parenting to support our quickly evolving two-year-olds, it all falls into place.
Part of respectful parenting means we learn to work with the child in front of us, even when it requires that we, ourselves, grow in our abilities. Additionally, it means we're intentional about the ways we describe our children to others. Our words matter and our kids are listening. Do we like them? Do we want to foster a positive connection based on mutual trust? As parents, we're called not only to be kind to them, but also to reflect that kindness in the words we use about them.
When someone mentions the "terrible twos" to me, I often reply with a shrug and respond, "Huh. I've always called them the 'terrific twos.'" 'Nuff said. One person at a time, we can change perception---because after all, our perception is our reality, isn't it?
Your two-year-old child is wonderfully fine, and more often than not, perfectly terrific.
I never really had friends growing up. In fact, I can’t think of one name that comes to mind when I think back on my childhood, including high school. I really wanted to write this for the women out there who truly struggle with building relationships because there are so many benefits of having friends. We are such good mommies and spend the majority of our time happily with our kids. But Mommies need friends too! I think for us, it’s about finding time and balance---but friendship is still definitely needed.
Pin for later!
A Little Back Story
As an adult, I can look back and clearly see how not having friends has affected a big part of me and there are many benefits of having friends.
As a child, we were always moving. Every year we were in a new house and I was at a new school. I was ALWAYS the new kid. By the time I got to high school, I already knew I wouldn’t be there long and there was no reason for me to even try and meet people. I was right. I attended six different high schools.
I remember wanting to go to my high school prom so badly or have a friend to celebrate with on our graduation day. It was little moments like this that made me long for someone---anyone.
I didn’t get a chance to know what it felt like to have a friend to laugh with but I always missed that feeling and I still miss it for my younger self. How could I miss something I never had? Because we are all designed to have personal connections with people. As an adult, I miss not having a friend who I could share childhood memories with.
How Childhood Experiences Affects Adulthood
I developed some habits and carried on a few things into my adult life that were unhealthy.
I was always super shy and insecure. I didn’t know who I was…ever. I always felt lonely and left out. As I got older, I found myself holding me back from relationships because that’s what I always did.
I met someone who I shouldn’t have right after high school. I started working at a restaurant and he was the first guy that showed me any attention. A boyfriend was something I always wanted---so I took the bait.
This is a separate blog post but the point of this is I was so desperate for a personal relationship with someone that I spent my twenties in a physically and mentally abusive marriage. He ended up passing away from a rare health condition. That’s also another blog post.
At this point, I was 29 years old. I moved back to my old town with my children and started a new life. I got remarried to a wonderful man who loves my children as his own. We also had a child together. We are now complete.
Question Of The Day
One day, my husband asked me who I go to when I need to talk. I said, “You honey.” That got me thinking… I wanted to make friends now.
I started meeting other moms at sports practices, ladies at church or neighbors---but there was always something holding me back from truly getting to know them.
Up until that point, I thought my husband was all I needed. I would tell myself, “He is a good listener and gives great advice. Why do I need friends?”
That’s when it hit me. I didn’t actually think he was all I needed. I still felt that void in my life for a friend. I was self-protecting myself from past insecurities.
Now that I had identified that truth, I couldn’t ignore it. I was starting to see all of the benefits of having friends. I didn’t immediately start looking for my tribe. I didn’t want to force it. However, I was taking the initiative to meet new people.
I spent time praying that God would send me exactly who I needed to come beside me and be a part of my life. It didn’t happen fast---but it happened. Now, I have the most amazing friends I could ask for. They are truly my tribe and I am so thankful for them.
What is a tribe?
In social terms, a tribe is a group of people with similar values and interests. They are there to support you. They are loyal and trustworthy. They are always there when you need to talk. You can be your true self when you are with them because you know they will not judge you. They encourage you to be the best you can be.
The trick is finding your tribe. We are constantly in contact with people. We all have several people we would call our friends but not everyone will be our tribe. That was the hardest part for me to learn. There is a fine line between your friends and your tribe. You can have many friends but you only have one tribe.
It doesn’t matter the size of your tribe. Quality over quantity is what I like to say. My tribe consists of three people. We are all unique and different in many ways and that’s what we love about each other.
What Are The Benefits Of Having Friends?
When it comes to overall health one aspect gets pushed to the side. Social health (a.k.a. your tribe) is just as important as mental, emotional and physical health. It is proven that social health can impact a person’s overall health and well-being.
Benefits of having friends include but are not limited to:
If you were like me and didn’t think you needed a tribe, try changing the way you see it and focus on the health aspect of it. Maybe try looking at it as you would exercising or eating healthily. It’s a win/win situation! Health benefits as well as having people to share life with.
How do we know who our tribe is?
This sums it up better than I could if I were trying to explain it.
Who came to your mind when you were reading this? That is your tribe!
There is something special about coffee time with friends. It is a chance to get away and breathe for a couple of hours. You can talk about anything and everything. It’s a place you can go to fill up your cup so you can have more to give to your family.
Find Your Tribe
I realize it might be easier said than done. If you are that mama who hasn’t connected with anyone yet, keep looking. Try joining special interest groups, get involved in a small group at church, volunteer or invite someone over for a playdate. Also, find someone in the same season of life you are in. It helps to have friends who are sharing the same experiences as you.
There have been things I have personally learned over the years. I wish I could go back but of course, that can't happen. All I can do now is to teach my children what I wasn’t taught and that social health is extremely valuable and having at least one good friend who they connect with is one is so important.
Thank you for reading this blog. My name is Sandra Tanner (I'm the one in the middle with my tribe) and I am a wife, mom, and blogger for Optimized Life. I would love for you to take a look at more!
I've thought long and hard about the best books for kids 2020. It's been an odd year; so odd, in fact, that my child said I might as well go ahead and give her all her Christmas gifts early. (Nice try.)
Not that things were necessarily easy when we were little--the playground could be a pretty rough place for everyone, and definitely so for a highly sensitive soul like mine.
Fortunately, some of the best things from our childhoods are still around: great books. They were an incredible source of comfort and connection for me when I was a child, and they are for my child now, too.
That's part of the reason I've chosen some classics to represent the best books for kids 2020 -- keeping the eternal goodness of books alive and well!
I'm keenly aware of how books can help build a child's self-esteem and confidence in this ever-changing world.
Best books for kids 2020 -- benefits of reading to children
Did you know that reading books has particular benefits when you read them aloud together with your child? As Rasumussen College describes in this report, there are many benefits of reading aloud--not only to little kids, but from prenatal days all the way to adolescence! Wow!
That said, when I read to my kiddo and as I've admitted before, I'm something of a book snob. (Forgive me.) I really like good books that we can enjoy together and that engage us both. If I'm going to read a book 10,000 times (as I undoubtedly will), I want to like it, too.
Here are some of our top picks for best books for 2020, for ages 3-8 -- give or take a bit
Like I was, my daughter is a gentle and sensitive soul. She approves these as being among the best books for kids 2020, just like I do. Here's what we enjoy about each of them, along with how they build self-esteem and confidence! (afflinks)
Although I typically promote lesser-known authors, this great book for children just happens to be written by a celebrity. What we like most is that it's just an all around feel-good book.
Bonus points that it's witty and downright entertaining. My child and I come away smiling after we read it, even for the millionth time. No matter what mistakes the boy and girl (the main characters) make, they like themselves, anyway. When other kids are unkind, no problem.
Their self-esteem and confidence are independent of others kids' opinions of them (hello, playground wisdom)! (Special note to parents of sensitive kiddos: the so-called unkindness is extremely mild and the positive message is more than strong enough to compensate for it.)
Sometimes life hands us lemons, and these two choose to rise above it every time. We've read this book at least once per week for the past three years or so. It stands the test of time in our house!
I'll begin by saying that I watched a 20-something year-old man tear up (slightly) as he read this one. If your child has ever lamented that his or her creation didn't come out "perfectly," this will resonate. It did very much for my child, just as it did for me.
The character, despite being "perfect" for most of the book, is somehow completely relatable at the same time. If ever there were a book that tells a child that it's okay to relax and enjoy who he or she is, this is it, in our opinion.
It so beautifully captures the joy of letting go of small or big anxieties about who we are. It gives us permission to like ourselves despite our imperfections. What a wonderful gift!
As one final bonus reason I put this among the best books for kids 2020, is that it's SO relatable. We've watched the world turn upside-down this year, and frankly, many of us have made mistakes in front of our kids. This is a great book to help us all feel a bit more normal and connected through our imperfections.
Similar to the book above, the main character in this story wants his drawings to be perfect and is devastated when someone criticizes his work. When he learns that it's okay to be "good enough," he thrives and rediscovers the joy he had lost.
This is on our list of best books for children 2020 because it emphasizes "process over product"---the philosophy that learning happens through the joy of the creation itself, rather than how it looks in the end.
No one can live up to perfection, and this book makes it perfectly okay to just do the best you can.
Well, the title pretty much sums it up! The pictures are silly and simple. The author chooses lots of ways people can be different, and the core of the message is simply that "You're alright just as you are." What an empowering message for kids of all ages. When it comes right down to it, have you ever met anyone who's not different from everyone else in some wonderful way? Anything that boosts kids' self-esteem and confidence, and helps them accept themselves just the way they are, will make it onto our best books for kids list.
We think this is among the very best kids' book series.
These differ from the others on our list in that they're chapter books, but they're appropriate even for young boys and girls. We started reading them when my child was about four years old. By five, she didn't want us to put them down. Still at 7 and with no end in sight, these make our best books for kids 2020 list because they're sincerely engaging. (Even my husband and I look forward to reading them. My guess is that they have no expiration date age-wise, ever.)
Even I wondered how the protagonist of the stories would help each of the magical animals she encountered. The writing is fantastic. The creativity is solid.
And when it comes to building kids' self-esteem and confidence, there's nothing like watching a child who persists despite adversity and solves tricky problems, to show the value of never giving up. She believes in herself and models how to do that. For what it's worth, I've even caught my husband turning pages when our child is nowhere around. They're that good.
The main character, Raffi, is so extremely relatable, feeling different from other kids and wondering if all kids feel that way. He wonders if he’s “normal,” just like many children have. And by “many” children, I mean every human who’s ever been a child. (Yep, that’s all of us.) This book addresses stereotypes of all kinds and how the protagonist finds self-confidence and acceptance, even when everyone else isn't quite like him. It’s a book every parent should read to his or her child, and then read to his or her own inner child, too. It’s exactly the right combination of feel-good message along with important life lesson.
Many of us are comfortable only within our "safe zones," and Scaredy is no exception. He's about as endearing as they come, with all sorts of irrational fears about coming out of his proverbial shell (or in this case, his tree).
Hilariously, we get to join him on his journey to build confidence and trust that the world isn't quite as dangerous as he fears. Like many of these books, it's stood the test of time in our house.
It always makes me smirk, no matter how many times we read it together. It's an excellent (albeit intentionally silly) model to help kids' build self-esteem and confidence.
Rosie has a passion, but she hides it away for fear of mockery. As this story unfolds, however, she transforms into a bold and confident inventor.
What we like about this book is how it demonstrates that even people with good intentions can inadvertently turn kids away from their dreams; but Rosie overcomes that. We all face adversity in life, but this book helps kids build self-esteem and confidence even after emotional roadblocks.
We love how she recovers from the letdowns and bravely pursues her passion!
A great book for younger kids, this is a sweet and wonderful book for children. It speaks beautifully to trusting kids' natural development and readiness for milestones, and how pressure to make them do things before they're ready seldom works.
Despite adversity, Iffy finds himself in a situation that he didn't really want, but proves to himself that he's braver and stronger than he thought. We cheer for this little creature when his confidence shines through, feeling a sense of recognition in ourselves along his journey.
Based on the true story of Nadia Comaneci, Olympic gold medalist, this is another wonderful example of a child overcoming adversity through incredible persistence.
Although my impression of Nadia is that she was confident from the beginning, it would've been easy for her to lose hope along her journey. She didn't start out as one of the best gymnasts in the world. She experienced failure.
But she kept trying, believing in herself and in her abilities. Knowing that the real Nadia went through all of this before success came, it's a lovely example for children to help them build self-esteem and confidence.
My child received this as a gift when she was three. Still now, she loves to read it. With few words, it's a great introduction for showing kids that mistakes can turn out alright, with the right perspective. There's always a bright side, even when something goes wrong!
We believe that if kids can internalize that they can choose their responses to situations that don't turn out how they want, they'll be better off in the long run.
So many of us have had others' agendas imposed upon us, and we've been left to wonder what life would've been like had we pursued our dreams. This is a beautiful story that addresses just that.
Mae, the protagonist of this story, decides she won't settle for what others want. She rises above others' doubts and finds her joy. As I read this book, I wanted to be Mae. She's strong; brave; real. She perseveres.
This is undoubtedly on our list of best books for kids 2020 to help them believe in themselves.
If this isn't the classic children's book to build self-esteem and confidence, I don't know what is. (Heads up to parents of sensitive kiddos: two of the trains bothered my child just a little until she was about 5, so we skipped them until she was ready.)
The little blue engine, as we all know, isn't the biggest or the strongest, but she believes in herself. She has enough heart to pull a load much greater than her own, up a much higher obstacle than she's encountered before. When it all comes down to it, that's exactly what I want my child to know she's capable of.
What's not to love about Piggie and Gerald? These books are funny and clever. As in, they make my husband and me laugh, not to mention our child.
Moreover, they almost always gently teach a lesson; share a moral, at child-level, that's one the child can take with them throughout their life. Best friend trouble? Difficulty sharing? Navigating someone new who wants to play? These and so many more topics are covered beautifully--and always with a happy ending.
P.S. Make sure to check for the sneaky pigeon at the end. He's always up to something.
*
Of course, the best way to help your child internalize these wonderful messages is to not only read the books together, but to discuss them, too. What a wonderful way to connect!
Travel ideas for kids big and small--for their safety and entertainment! (Click here for the short version.)
Do something good when you shop with us! Your purchases help us support important charity work around the world.
Click Here
Click here to jump straight to our recommendations for traveling with kids.
Traveling with kids is one of the most important gifts you can give them. By taking your children with you on a trip, you communicate that they’re important and that you value their company. Moreover, travel is beneficial for their developing brains. Traveling with your kids triggers a neurochemical reaction that reduces stress and allows them to refuel emotionally*. It offers an ‘enriched’ environment because everything is new and different, which results in enhanced sensory, cognitive, and motor stimulation**.
But just because it’s important, doesn’t mean it’s easy. Having a well thought out game plan for road trips, flights, and train trips goes a long way to keeping your kids occupied and happy. Plus, time spent traveling is a great environment for learning rather than just "zoning out."
Since your child can't fly the plane himself (nope, no way), we’ve found the next best thing to entertain him: the top five types of travel products that you need for your next trip. We’ve specifically selected practical and inexpensive items that will keep your child entertained for longer periods of time and promote creative thinking for a variety of age ranges.
How to Choose Travel Products For Kids That Inspire Creativity
Our list has something for everyone. It’s a collection of the best travel toys, activities, games, and crafts to keep your kids busy while stimulating their creativity. Whether you’re heading out on a road trip, taking a long-haul flight, or preparing for a train trip, you’ll find some great options for preschoolers, grade school children, and tweens.
Practical Considerations
When you consider which travel products to pack, you want to consider the following:
Affordability: You don’t want to be so focused on your belongings that you can’t enjoy the ride.
Convenience: You want to avoid having too many small pieces, while keeping entertainment easy to manage and pack up
Multi-Use Options: Versatility can go a long way for managing your packing and your kids' entertainment.
Expert tip: It’s a good idea to keep travel toys packed away in a box at home so that when it’s time to take a trip, the products will seem ‘new’ and will have fresh appeal. It also helps to have a couple of new items for each journey that a child can unwrap when you need a distraction, buy some time, or avoid a meltdown.
There are five types of products to consider when planning your next vacation with the kids. The items we’ve listed are designed to encourage creativity and learning, as well as keeping your children occupied for long trips.
1. Art and Drawing Products
Coloring books and crayons were popular with previous generations, and not much has changed. According to Dr. Richard House***, a psychologist specializing in childhood development, coloring books work well to engage children’s creativity. We love these reusable coloring books (afflinks). If your child will have access to a tray table (such as in a train or on a plane), choose a pack of crayons where the crayons won't roll off. Crayola’s triangular crayons are ideal for this. And if you want to keep your kids and their things a little more contained (and perhaps cleaner), this activity tray is fantastic.
There is a wide range of craft activities to choose from, and the best options will vary depending on the child’s age and interests. It’s important to stick to a budget with crafts as the costs can quickly add up. Some inexpensive suggestions include stickers and lacing boards for younger kids and bead kits for grade schoolers.
Reusable Stickers
For preschoolers, sticker books are a no-mess option for long travel days. Plus, they're great for developing fine motor skills. We've played with these reusable stickers for hours on end. These are fun when we're feeling wild.
Lacing Boards
Lacing boards like this one are a compact activity that works well for young kids in enclosed spaces. They’re good for developing fine-motor control and are an excellent addition to your travel bag, as they’re small and light-weight. Although they appear to be for younger kids, ours have asked for them repeatedly on trips over the years. There must be something cathartic about them, at least in our kids' minds.
Colorful Paper Clips
Although bead kits contain small pieces and pieces that can get lost, our kids have spent hours on end stringing paper clips together. If you get colorful ones like these, they can come up with all sorts of designs and creative DIY crafts. Amazing, huh? Plus, if you happen to lose one, it's just a paper clip, so nothing irreplaceable.
3. Games
Depending on the age of your child, there are a number of games that work well for long travel days. Games encourage creativity as they require problem-solving and decision making. For little kids, we like ones where parts can't get lost, such as this magnetic maze.
Card Games
Remember the card games you used to play growing up? They haven’t lost their appeal and kids as young as 4 or 5 can participate. Teach your kids to play Old Maid, Crazy Eights and Go Fish, and they’ll be hooked. And all you need to do is remember to pack a deck of cards.
Travel Board Games
For older kids, travel versions of popular games such as checkers, hangman, and tic-tac-toe can keep them entertained for hours (especially if you are willing to play with them). Chess in particular significantly improves critical and creative thinking skills****.
4. Books
Books are a must-have for any vacation with kids and can inspire curiosity and an understanding of the world around them. Consider where you’re traveling to, do some research and select a couple of books they'll enjoy. Books about the places you're going can be fun, too.
If your children grade-school age or older but not enthusiastic readers, they might enjoy creating their own stories or keeping journals of their holiday.
5. Travel Puzzles
Puzzles are great for creativity. They build cognitive skills, encourage problem-solving, fine motor development and hand-eye coordination. Generally, they are not a good option for travel, but magnetic options designed specifically for travel will keep your kids (and you!) entertained for hours. Our children spend hours on this magnetic travel-themed puzzle, this construction puzzle, and of course, this unicorn puzzle.
Whether you’re planning the holiday of a lifetime or a local weekend away with your kids, it helps to be prepared. You'll find the rest of our travel recommendations for safety and entertainment here on this page.
Wise people have said that it's not about the destination; it's about the journey. We'd like your journey to be fun!
We’d love to hear from you. Let us know if there are any great travel products that you’d recommend for traveling with kids!
We appreciate your support! Click here to see all the children's books, parenting books, toys and games, travel necessities, holiday fun, and wellness-related items that we've used and loved. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. However, pricing (including sale prices) and shipping are still from Amazon. Once you click the checkout button from your Dandelion Seeds cart, it’ll direct you to Amazon to complete your purchase.
Knowing her grandparents will soon be asking for gift ideas for our daughter, my husband and I decided to take our five year old window shopping today. As usual and as I've written about before, we began with the caveat that although we wouldn't buy anything, we'd take pictures of what she likes so that we're sure to remember. This approach has pretty much been golden for us since she was two, and learning to delay gratification has contributed well to her growth mindset.
Today, however, she was really short on sleep. Even for me, an adult, a lack of sleep thwarts even the very best laid plans. Still, we pursued our endeavor to leave the house.
Upon entering the store, our child uncharacteristically said, "I've decided we're not just going to look at toys. We're going to buy some for me today to take home." I gently and clearly reminded her of our mission. And I hoped for the best.
We made it past the greeting card aisle and into the craft aisle. On display with the crafts, they were selling a sewing machine for kids. She picked it up and announced, "This is what we're buying for me today. Let's go check out now."
Oh, dear. We were only in the second aisle. And we really, really weren't going to buy anything.
I wish I had a dime for every time I'd seen a parent in a similar predicament. I'd be able to buy a thousand sewing machines. Regardless, this was really unlike her.
I acknowledged how much she wanted it and reminded her that we'd put it on her list. I took a picture of it, and for good measure, so did my husband.
She announced that she would carry it through the store with us until it was time to check out, and then we'd buy it. I let her know that she'd be welcome to carry it through the store, but that we'd put it back on the shelf before leaving. Setting expectations upfront usually does wonders for keeping things mutually agreeable. However, the "mutually" wasn't happening here today. So, I presented it as a loving limit and took the time to discuss and validate how she felt.
Sure enough, she chose to carry it through the store, anyway. She had no interest in looking at any other toys. We stopped to look at some decorations and at a few items for my husband, but that was it. She wanted to go no farther, though, so we returned to the craft aisle, the sewing machine still firmly in her grip.
We had nowhere else to be, so we did a bit of emotion coaching to help her. However, it was still a no-go for her. She said she'd wait there "forever" until we bought it. Taking it from her forcefully would do nothing for her emotional intelligence, our connection, or her growth mindset. So we waited, letting her feelings be what they were, and trusting that this was temporary.
After awhile, I asked her to think of a way she'd be willing to leave it at the store. Because she wasn't in an emotional place to think logically right then, I offered her the options of either putting it back right away or walking toward the exit while she held onto it, until we reached the checkout area. At that point, her option would be to hand it to my husband to put back before we reached the door. She chose the latter. And for whatever reason, she quickly put the sewing machine back on the shelf where it belonged. However, she grabbed a unicorn craft that was nearby and held onto it just as steadfastly.
Clearly it wasn't about the toy for her; it was about the process of working within limits.
However, near the checkout area, she changed her mind and wouldn't relinquish it. At that point, I shared a story with her about a time when I was little and didn't get a toy I wanted. Her demeanor changed. She softened. For the first time in awhile, she looked me in the eyes and connected. She felt understood.
Shortly thereafter, she offered, "I don't want to put it back on the shelf. I want to put it somewhere...else."
I replied, "It's too hard to take it back to the craft aisle. You want to put it somewhere different."
"Yes. I want to hide it and see if Daddy can find it."
Fortunately, because she's five, her hiding places often include instructions such as, "Please don't look behind the chair."
She looked resolved, proud of having solved the problem herself. All she needed was the time and emotional support to do it. So, off we set on a short mission to find the perfect hiding place for it. After testing a few options, she settled on setting it between the feet of a mannequin. She promptly informed her Daddy not to look there. (Daddy, of course, returned it to its proper place once we were out of sight, and she confirmed later that it was exactly what she'd wanted him to do.)
And off we went to the car; her, sad but accepting, growing in her ability to solve problems. Even among the shiny objects; even when sleep deprived, she found a way to do it that was mutually agreeable. We can both sleep well tonight.
Let's be friends
Navigation
Amazon Associate Disclaimer
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Seriously, though, I had no idea how much use these would get in my house. You'd be amazed how often my child has "had to look at something more closely" and goes to fetch these to help her. She might go for a couple of weeks without using them but ALWAYS remembers them and comes back to them. They were a solid purchase for our house!
transfixing in the very best way. We all end up playing with it for hours on end. It's a great calm-down activity when it's time to relax post-Christmas hype.
to the bronze otter that sits outside our local City Hall.
We attach an inch or two of colorful masking tape to my child's most important boxes. We'll find those first once we're in our new place. 
as tantrums.
