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Growing up, I always wanted a white Christmas--there was just something magical about waking up to a blanket of snow on that special day. It was the perfect day to stay inside with all the physical and emotional warmth Christmas offered before diving into the snow and playing outside. I still hope for a white Christmas, but these days, what’s even more important to me is a green one. By a green Christmas, I don’t mean I want to see the grass instead of the snow. Instead, I mean I want one that’s still as heartwarming as those from years gone by, but a much more sustainable version of that with which I was raised.
After all, conscious parenting and the need for sustainability apply all year ‘round, including during the holidays. Raffi’s Child Honouring course includes a full section about sustainability for those who want to learn more.
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With that in mind, here are eight great tips to help you have a green Christmas.
1. If you’re going to get a tree, get a real one.
“With 8m real trees in the process of being purchased this Christmas, the idea of saving one from the axe might be prompting the move to fake ones this year in the belief that they are more environmentally friendly.
But environmentalists and energy analysts would disagree. Take one
BONUS IDEA: If you're willing to forgo gifts this year, please consider donating what you would've spent to reputable charities who support people in need.
key product detail of these thousands of artificial trees – they are made of plastic. It is the manufacture of the plastic tree,
from oil, which creates most of its carbon footprint; around two thirds, according to Dr John Kazer of the Carbon Trust. Another quarter is created by the industrial emissions produced when the tree is made. They are also often shipped long distances before arriving in the shop and then your home.
A 6.5ft artificial tree has a carbon footprint equivalent to about 40kg of greenhouse gas emissions – which is more than twice that of a real tree that ends its life in landfill and more than 10 times that of a real tree which is burnt...” (Source)
2. Send electronic cards instead of paper ones.
I confess that I love touching paper. Books, cards, you name it; paper is practically my love language. However, as much as I love cards, they're just not worth their negative impact on sustainability.
The average letter has a carbon footprint of about 29 grams of CO2. The carbon footprint of a normal email footprint is much less, about 4 grams of CO2. (Source)
With just a couple of exceptions, we'll be sending e-cards this year.
If the idea of not sending paper cards troubles you, you can take small steps. Strike 20 names from your list. If you can’t do that, try 10. Start somewhere.
As conscious as we are about sustainability the rest of the year, it’s really tempting to continue habits we’ve held onto since we were kids. Part of that, of course, is gift giving. To be clear, I’m not saying don’t give gifts. It makes sense, however, to consider the planet and our impact when we’re thinking about how to put a smile on a loved one's face.
Recycled golf balls make a great (and green!) token gift to represent the experience gift that's coming. They're also great on their own!
Here are a few green Christmas "experience gifts" that people in our family have loved:
Dad and Granddad: a gift certificate for a round of golf
Mom and Grandma: a designated “Girls’ Day” at the art museum
Kids: a special visit to the local animal sanctuary
All of us: Tickets to the Nutcracker Ballet
Sure, it’s fun to have something to touch; something to open. If that's important to you, there are ways to accomplish this while keeping the gifts themselves to a minimum. For example, buy a package of recycled golf balls to represent the gift to Dad and Granddad (afflinks). Choose a pretty frame for a homemade drawing from your child, or a family photo, for Mom and Grandma to represent the art you’ll see together at the museum. Find a really sweet stuffed animalfor your child to represent the sanctuary.
Moreover, for whatever you do choose to purchase, buy locally whenever you can. This can make a big and positive impact on your carbon footprint.
4. Reuse wrapping paper or gift bags (or skip them!).
Reusable gift bags available in lots of colors and sizes.
My great grandmother was infamous for urging us not to rip the paper every Christmas morning. Now that I’m older and understand better, she was really onto something! We are reusing previous years' paper for as many years as we can make it stretch before it nearly falls to bits in our recycling bin. And once it’s gone, we aren’t replacing it. In the meantime, it still looks just as pretty as it ever did under the lights of the tree.
Find gifts that get your kids outside, that are good for their bodies, and that will last for years.
5. Skip bows and ribbons entirely.
We have a few large red bows (which we've given the moniker “tarantula bows” because they've existed in our family for generations and are mangled enough to show it). They look pretty terrible, but they’re actually kind of hilarious that way. We’ve all come to love them and dive to protect them if someone is handling them too roughly. Aside from these, though---which we can place strategically on top of whatever's most visible under the tree---we don't need any other ribbons or bows. Let your kids decorate the wrapping paper with markers. It's more fun, anyway, and it's a great way to involve them.
6. Ditch plastic for sustainable gifts.
Choose more sustainable products instead of conventionally manufactured ones. Gifts made of natural and renewable materials are best by far. Many are specifically marked for sustainability. If you shop locally, make sure to ask your merchants for the sources of their products.
A play house for years of fun.
7. Get a bigger bang for your buck.
Just the other day, my six-year-old said to me out of the blue, “Do you remember that year I got my jungle gym for Christmas? It was so big — I didn’t even think there could be a present under blankets like that!”
That Christmas was three years ago, and it stuck with her half her life. Rather than lots of little presents (which, as much as we hate to admit it, might not be entirely memorable), consider a single big gift that will last for years. That's a much more sustainable option. We've never regretted having done this when we could. Similar fun and big ideas to the jungle gym would be a bike, a play house or a trampoline.
Bikes last for years and are better for the planet. A great way to get your kids off to a healthy and sustainable start!
Buy fewer gifts; make them count.
8. Adjust your holiday meal.
For those of us who have a history of having more leftovers than we can freeze / turn into soup / repurpose into another meal somehow, consider revising the meal plan. Many grocery stores will sell partial portions of their "big serving" options if you simply ask. Downsize the meal plan to fit your family. No need to buy more than you need just because it's Christmas.
If you do end up buying more than you need, find a place to donate your excess. There are many hungry people at Christmastime and throughout the year.
A green Christmas is one focused on sustainability.
More importantly, however, it's one that focuses on the true spirit of the season.
I'm fully aware that I'm writing this from a place of privilege compared to most of the world. Find a way to help others. For a bonus idea, if you're willing to forgo gifts this year and have the option financially, please consider donating what you would've spent to reputable charities who support people in need. Discuss it with your family. Make a difference not only this time of year, but whenever you can.
I'm sending you and yours all the love in the world. Happy holidays to you and yours!
We've heard that presents aren't always necessary or beneficial for development. And let's be real---gifts also aren't financially feasible for some families. We've also heard that experience gifts for kids are better than many traditional ones that come in a box, but what are experience gifts, anyway?
Here are the experience gifts we like best for kids, each with a way to help make them affordable.
Special performances. Is there a theater within reasonable driving distance? How about taking your kids to a special play or musical? It doesn't have to be on Broadway; your local high school might put on a production that's both affordable and entertaining. These events are often in the evenings, and what child doesn't enjoy going out after dark? It's a novelty for many (even if you choose a daytime performance)!
The ballet. Is The Nutcracker in town? Great! Spring for tickets once per year. You can often find discounts if you call the box office and inquire. Still too lofty? See if your local dance school puts on any special productions this time of year. They often do.
Sporting events. Find an NBA/NFL/whatever-your-area-offers "big event" to enjoy. If those are out of your price range, consider (once again) your local high school as a resource. Many kids have never seen sports played live, and high school versions have plenty of heart and school spirit to get caught up in. Other options to consider are off-season practice scrimmages or less popular teams. We once attended a WNBA team for free just because tickets were available for a homeschool group that didn't use them all. Just ask!
Music/art/cooking/other lessons related to a hobby in which your child has expressed interest. What has your child said he or she wants to learn? Does she enjoy building? Check out your local hardware store to see if they offer any Saturday morning workshops. There are short-term and long-term classes available for almost any interest and ability.
Museum passes or memberships. If a membership isn't feasible, consider a day pass. If a day pass isn't feasible, check with your local library to see if they offer free passes to any museums in your area. Lots do!
A game of mini-golf. If you live in an area with year-round good weather, this is a fun excursion thatusually doesn't break the bank.
Movie passes. Matinees are almost always more economical than evening passes, and the movies don't change depending what time of day it is.
An afternoon at the bowling alley. Or make your own version with cartons / jugs / whatever you improvise in the back yard.
Special time with a loved one (or loved ones). Lots of kids crave time with mom or dad (or mom AND dad)---or perhaps a grandparent or special friend. If you're the person with whom your child craves time, offer some dedicated screen-free time where you focus only on your child, no matter what he or she wants to do. Give them the gift of a day together. Home time. Playground time. Whatever-they-want-together-time.
A day trip. Can you drive to a beach and build sandcastles, even if it's chilly outside? Can you drive to a snowy hill and go sledding? Is a special restaurant or venue just far enough away that you don't go often (or haven't been there but want to check it out)? A dedicated day to "just be" together, wherever you are, can make wonderful lifelong memories.
Science knows it: kids crave time with their parents. Plus, according to Harvard University, experiences are better for children's development. Here's how the brain processes experiences for them.
But what do I put in the box?
This part is easy. You put the tickets in the box; a token representative of what you're doing together. My child still has a Nutcracker ornament that we gave her to symbolize the ballet to which we were going several years ago. Going to the museum? Draw a picture of a dinosaur and put it in the stocking. Music lessons? Give your child a guitar pick. Mini-golfing? Give a golf ball. There's almost always something small you can give as a token preview of what you'll be doing together. As a bonus, it serves as a lovely souvenir afterwards.
So, why not combine experience gifts for kids along with quality time with parents? It's a sure-win combination. After all, Christmas was never supposed to be about the "stuff" anyway, right? There's no better time to connect than at the holidays.
And then carry that connection forward throughout the year.
Much love to you and yours!
Teaching children how to protect the Earth often isn't at the forefront of our minds. We recycle, of course, and we're generally good citizens. In all practicality, however, we're often busy...making lunch. Managing our children's bedtimes. Living life.
I don't write that judgmentally. I'm guilty of it, too.
As part of conscious parenting, however, it's imperative that we do teach kids why we need to protect the Earth. Conscious parenting and salvaging what we can of the planet aren't mutually exclusive. We have a moral obligation to not only teach children how to be kind to other humans, but also to show them how to nurture the global home they share.
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All this gentle and respectful parenting we're striving for won't mean a thing if our kids don't have a planet on which they can live safely.
We shouldn't just teach kids about the implications of deforestation or melting ice caps, of course ---rather, they need to know about all the myriad factors that play into the future of this "pale blue dot" we call home.
However, it feels a bit overwhelming to have that responsibility on our shoulders, doesn't it?
It is overwhelming to protect the Earth, much less teach little kids about it. I'm not minimizing the enormity of the task. Fortunately, as individuals, we're not supposed to carry heavy burdens alone---especially seemingly insurmountable ones like climate change. Positively altering our world is going to take work from every single one of us as a global community. What matters is that we're doing our part.
As conscious parents, we can weave important messages about sustainable living into our everyday lives.
There's always something we can do to protect the Earth. Here are three ways that work well as we parent our children: Teach Them, Show Them, and Lead Them.
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1. Lead children to protect the Earth by showing them how to be change makers.
In addition to modeling for your kids all the ways you protect the Earth, challenge them to find ways to be change makers themselves. See what they come up with. Here are a few examples:
Help them identify all the "one hit wonders" (items that are typically disposed of after a single use) in your home. What do they see that your family would use only once? What alternatives can they think of to replace those things? They might already know about swapping paper towels and sponges for eco-friendly dish cloths, eliminating dryer sheets, and using glass or stainless steel water bottles instead of plastic. What else can they find? If they find a one-hit wonder but don't know of a reusable option with which to replace it, might they invent one?
Rethink whether one hit wonders are really just for one time only. People often assume they have to use certain items only one time because they "feel" disposable. But are they? Be it
Even a homemade birthday sign is reusable (your child can help with a tweak or two).
birthday streamers or decorations, wrapping paper or ribbons, take a single "day in the life" and see what you can reuse again another day. I never realized that I'd inherit my great grandmother's habit of saying, "Don't tear the wrapping paper---we'll use it again next year!"---but here I am. (I plan to phase out wrapping paper entirely once what we've been reusing no longer holds together.) Encourage your children to challenge their friends to nix single use items in their homes, too. Frame it as an ongoing scavenger hunt. Every day holds opportunities to rethink that which we used to consider disposable.
Avoid buying single use products altogether when you see them in stores. Go farther, though. Ask whoever's in charge to consider replacing them with sustainable alternatives. If need be, brainstorm with them about what those alternatives might be. Make it easy for them to champion change within their organizations.
Encourage your children to keep their eyes open for ecological missteps. Just like with the single use products, they can look for products sold in irresponsible packaging. Write to the companies who use plastic unnecessarily or excessively.
Kids can write letters to companies who use unnecessary packaging and suggest better alternatives.
Solar panels and electric cars aren't feasible for everyone, and we can't always choose whether our homes are powered by wind turbines. However, until more of those things are commonplace, you can write letters with your children. Make phone calls. Model to your children that communication matters---because their future on this planet matters.
2. Teach children how to protect the Earth by talking about it in your everyday life.
There are so many ways to weave this topic into your daily conversations. Although it's wonderful to have sit-down discussions about how to protect the Earth, it doesn't need to be complicated or heavy-handed, particularly with children who are highly sensitive. Adapt your message to suit your child's ability to process the information thoughtfully and without fear mongering. Starting small is great, particularly for small children. No child is too young to listen. It's all about planting the proverbial seed. It will grow if you let it.
Awareness and understanding go a long way; they're how kids establish their belief systems about what's important.
Here are some simple and effective ways you can teach young children about how to protect the Earth:
Tell your child why you're turning off unnecessary lighting, water, or appliances in your home. You're doing those things habitually. Help your kids connect the dots.
What you can say to your child: "I'm turning off the bedroom lights because no one's in there. That's how we save energy. Saving energy helps protect the Earth and everyone who lives on it."
Recycle or compost more than you throw away; explain what you're doing and why.
Use color-coded bins to make it fun and interesting for children who are learning what goes where.
For older kids who have an understanding of time, you can talk about (and even visit) landfills. Research how long it takes various items to break down. A single plastic bag can take anywhere from 10-1000 years; some studies argue that they never fully decompose. What else can you research together?
Teach young children through play. Do your toy cars ever stop for fuel? Ours do. When they pull up to our living room couch (which doubles as the gas / petrol station), they can choose between "clean chocolate and vanilla fuel" or "icky black garlic fuel that's awful for the air." (Nomenclature thanks to my child.) When we're out and my child sees a car spewing black smoke, she knows it's bad. She comments accordingly.
If you can, use your legs instead of your car. Some of the best discussions my child and I have ever had about how to protect the Earth were while we were on long walks together. Particularly for older kids, let them know why walking or biking are better than riding public transportation; why public transportation is better than driving alone. It's easy to weave conversations about the Earth into conversation while you're out in nature.
What you can say to your child: "We're walking to the library today so we don't use the fuel that's in our car. Saving fuel helps protect the Earth by reducing fumes and protecting the planet's natural resources."
Talking goes a long way for kids. If they don't hear important messages from you, what would they know to look for (or to avoid) in society as they grow up?
3. Teach children how to protect the Earth by showing them what others are doing to help. Also show them what not to do.
It's important for kids to know that they're not too young to care; not too young to help.
Have you heard of Greta Thunberg, a 17-year-old girl from Sweden? She's a climate activist who's inspired marches for young people around the world. She completed an incredible 15-day, 3,000-mile (4,800km) voyage on a carbon-neutral boat across the Atlantic to bring awareness to climate change. She spoke at the United Nations Climate Summit in September 2019. Here's her very compelling speech to the Assemblée Nationale:
Greta's work is inspiring and wonderful, yet she's not the only one who's doing good work to protect the Earth. Young activists are doing important climate work all over the world. Share their stories with your children.
Watch your children's reactions to others' work to learn which elements of protecting our planet speak to their hearts. Then, foster those things. Do they love marine animals? What about their favorite forest creatures? Do your kids enjoy hiking, playing outside in good weather, or boating with Grandpa? See what other people are doing to make enjoying those things possible for your child. Tie those things into your discussions. They're specific. They're memorable.
As with all topics, you'll be more likely to succeed at teaching your message about sustainability if your child feels emotionally compelled to learn. Just like some kids enjoy math for the sake of numbers and others don't care about math until they discover physics, pay attention to what resonates with your child. Show them what others are doing in an area that inspires them. Read books together about ways your children can help protect the Earth (afflinks). Check them out from your local library if you can.
Even with young kids, you can also point it out when you see something that's contrary to how we protect the Earth.
Be it a cigarette butt on the pavement, smoke spewing from a manufacturing facility, or someone acting irresponsibly towards our planet in any way, it's perfectly okay to point it out and say, "Yuck." Explain why it's off-putting.
What you can say to your child: "I don't like it when people leave their trash near the lake. It's dirty and can make the fish and animals here very sick. I want people to do better." Bonus points: pick up the trash and take it to the nearest bin. Pack an eco-friendly hand sanitizer to keep with you if you're concerned about cleanliness.
Show children that the generation before them is doing something to protect them.
Kids need to know that adults outside your home care about sustainability, too---lest they feel as overwhelmed as we do. It's hard to feel like an activist in isolation. Show them they're not alone. Find role models they admire (famous or not) and share with them what those people are doing.
Raffi, the beloved children's troubadour and creator of his namesake Foundation for Child Honouring, wrote two wonderful new songs about the climate emergency ("Young People Marching – for Greta Thunberg" and "Do We Love Enough"). Here's his press release. You can stream the songs from here.
I'd love to say "Show kids that we've got this." Although I can't do that, I'll write, "Show them that we're working on it."
Teach children about how to protect the Earth because they have even more at stake than we do.
The normal order of things is for them to outlive us on a safe and healthy planet.
We can't force kids to be stewards of the Earth; it's our job as conscious parents to model these things for them. They'll follow our lead. As a bonus, the more you instill your messages in your kids, the more they'll hold you accountable, too. Your actions will become their actions as they grow up. They're paying attention now.
"Another day is imminent. Another world is possible." -- Raffi Cavoukian
To clarify, I'm still giving children love, respect, and a whole lot of grace as they learn to navigate this thing called life. More than ever, I see the value of positive parenting not only in my own child, but also in those with whom I interact regularly. I'm fully committed to the notion of treating others, including children, the way I'd like to be treated. The "golden rule" is very much my parenting mantra.
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But yeah, I'm done with the marketing myth of gentle parenting.
You see, "gentle parenting" has turned into a marketing buzz phrase that, in many cases, is neither descriptive nor accurate. After having wasted hours on Pinterest last week looking for gentle parenting articles to share with my readers, I realized just how liberally people are using the term. The same is true for its nomenclature siblings: positive parenting, positive discipline, and conscious parenting, among others.
Once we dilute the "gentle parenting" term so much that it refers to almost anything we want to "accomplish" as a parent, it becomes meaningless.
Spend three minutes on most social media and you'll find things like:
"Safe Babywearing in Your Skydiving Harness"
"How to Gently Wean Your Toddler from the Poker Table"
"A Gentle Approach to Balancing Your Newborn on Your Harley"
In short, I don't trust an article, book, or well-meaning friend who says something is "gentle" if it isn't in sync with what positive parenting really is.
We all want to practice gentle parenting. So, how do we know when we've found the real deal?
I don't know a decent parent anywhere who doesn't want to be gentle with his or her children. We all have good intentions.
Skydiving, gambling, and motorcycle riding aside (and with respect to those who do those things without baby present), there are a few telltale signs that you've found the "real deal" when doing your positive parenting research. I've boiled them down to the basics that I keep in mind as a parent and educator.
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Gentle parenting is kind.
I once joked on my Facebook page that I'd written the shortest parenting book ever. It included only a single question parents can ask themselves when deciding how to handle something with a child: "Am I being kind?"
In all seriousness, this really sums it up. What's the kindest response you can have to any given situation?
Is the sleep solution you're considering peaceful, or does it leave one or the other of you feeling unsettled?
Is the discipline situation your friends have suggested kind, or does it involve something designed to induce feelings of shame or regret?
Is the parenting book you're reading suggesting ideas that will bring you and your child closer together, or do the ideas inflict emotional strife on either of you?
Oftentimes, I make parenting decisions only after I've consciously assessed whether I'm choosing the kindest option I can in the moment. I never want to justify suboptimal parenting by thinking "It's for the best" or "I wish I didn't have to do this, but it's the only option." I assure you there's always a way to be kind.
Gentle parenting is patient.
I'll confess that even as a gentle parenting writer, I sometimes struggle with this one. We all have tired days, too-many-rainy-days-in-a-row-days, and we're-humans-who-sometimes-want-different-things-while-living-in-the-same-space days. Case in point: I intended to spend an entire screen-free day with my child the other day, but my computer broke when I was doing "just one thing" on it, and I ended up sufficiently grouchy that I had to fix it.
It wasn't my child's fault that my computer broke. She got antsy that I had to devote time to fixing it instead of playing, and I got frustrated by her antsy-ness. Her need was legit; mine was, too, in its own way. But as truly gentle parents, we know that our children's behavior is often a reflection of our own.
When we find ourselves feeling impatient, we don't punish our children for it or make them our emotional outlets. We find ways to stay connected amidst suboptimal circumstances. We actively seek out the emotional tools we need to help us keep our cool, understanding that our kids need us to model patience. That's how they learn emotional regulation, themselves---by observing us.
Gentle parenting models respect.
When we make a mistake, we apologize for it.
We don't equate immediate compliance with respect.
We understand that parenting is not about "How do I get my child to do (whatever it is)..."---that doesn't fit into the golden rule. We don't "get" people we respect to do things. We collaborate with them. Problem-solving works best in partnership with others.
We model what it means to engage in healthy, respectful adult relationships---because that's what we want for our kids when they get older. Their training starts now in their daily interactions with us.
For many of us, gentle parenting is hard work.
We don't choose gentle parenting because it's the most convenient option. It's often downright hard, especially if it involves facing triggers from our own upbringing. (Wait, that happens? Heck yeah it does, and it's tricky emotional stuff to work through!) We have to examine our hard wiring. Often, we need to very intentionally rewire our brains to not do whatever the default response might've been in our family of origin. Oof. It's doable, though, if we're mindful about actively working on ourselves.
So, do I believe in the value of gentle parenting?
Of course I do. We just need to know what it really is (and isn't), and make the practice real in our own homes. It's absolutely worth discerning the good advice from the bad and understanding that just because an article or a book is labeled as gentle, it really needs to be gentle for it to foster the results we're seeking as parents. And as parents, what better result than a long-term, positive, and loving connection with our children?
if you call the box office and inquire. Still too lofty? See if your local dance school puts on any special productions this time of year. They often do.
usually doesn't break the bank.
items to break down. A single plastic bag can take anywhere from 10-1000 years; some studies argue that they never fully decompose. What else can you research together?
