"Mommy, let's pretend this isn't a train tunnel."
"Okay, what is it?"
"It's a tomb."
Well, hello, conversation stopper. She paused for effect, which is a good thing, because I certainly didn't expect that. After a moment to process and very consciously trust that children's play serves an important purpose for them, I mentally cringed while inquiring, "Is anyone in there?"
"Yep, a dead person."
She smiled lovingly at me, just content to be playing.
I have to admit that this already wasn't my favorite game, and although I didn't know who was inside, I was hoping for some miraculous resurrection of sorts.
"Was it anyone we know?"
"Nope, it's not. It's just some man. He's dead in there."
Well, at least it's no imaginary person we know. Somehow that made it better for me, the adult who should be able to handle a child's imagination.
Still, I waited for the punchline and trusting her play, looking for some clue as to where this was going.
"What happened to him?" I asked tentatively.
"A cow sat on him. And then a car drove on top of the cow."
Well, that would certainly do it. Although she knows bodies stop working when someone dies, we haven't spent much time discussing the specific mechanics of the process.
Then, she added, "Yeah, he was really, really old, like Grandpa Herb."
Click. Now, I see what's happening. Grandpa Herb is actually my grandfather; her great grandfather. As I write this, he's a 95-year-old with a body that's more ready to go than his brain is.
I reminded her that Grandpa Herb is still alive, but she proceeded me to remind me that he's "really, really old and probably won't live much longer."
He might have another decade ahead of him, but he might not. She's bright enough (as kids are) to pick up on pieces of the adult conversations to know that we talk about his life and medical situations differently than we do others'.
Just like we do as adults, kids need to process when change is coming; especially when it's such an abstract concept as this (for all of us). We rarely discuss death with children unless it's necessary, so it's particularly foreign to them when it happens. We can read helpful books like this one and this one (afflinks) to help cover the bases. I can trust that her play is helping her process just as she needs to. And she can ask all the questions she wants to, and I'll do my best to answer them according to our belief system. Of course, I can't tell her what dying is like, though, because it's never happened to me.
So, until then, we find ways to make peace with the unknown. We need to somehow make the intangible, tangible. We need to know that when the time comes, we'll have done something to prepare, because we all want to do something.
Some might call this "game" macabre and make that resurrection manifest somehow, or insist that it's a train tunnel and nothing more. For us, it became a way to process and discuss one of life's Big Topics, using the means my child knows best: learning through play. It's within her power to play; the more she can process it in her own terms without me imposing my agenda on her, the more she can begin to grasp and reconcile the concept. And the more she can be ready for the inevitable, be it for Grandpa Herb or for a goldfish, the less jarring it will be for this child.
Personally, I'm going to beware of sitting cows for awhile. More than that, however, I'll continue to trust that play needs to happen, exactly as it is.
Gluten free pumpkin spice muffins are amazing. In fact, I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest we rename autumn "Pumpkin-Fall." And if you're anything like me and want delicious pumpkin-flavored treats year-round, we can also rename Winter, "Snowy Pumpkins" and Spring, "Blooming Pumpkins." What about Summer, you ask? I want to hear what you think we should call it. "Hot and Sweaty Pumpkins" doesn't sound quite right.
That aside, I've been craving warm breakfast foods lately. Plus, I want to boost my immune system this time of year--especially since I spend most of my week traveling to various schools with their wide variety of kiddos and alllll they bring into it. Perhaps most importantly, I want a breakfast that tastes good while still starting my day off right health-wise.
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. Use two bowls: one for your wet ingredients and the other for your dry ingredients. One bowl should be large enough to hold all the ingredients when you combine them. I like this one (afflinks) since I can put a lid on it if I need to take a baking break.
Dry Ingredients. Combine the following:
Wet ingredients. Combine the following:
Combine the contents of the two bowls. Mix just until combined. Get your muffin pan, and then for the easiest cleanup, use a large spoon to fill baking cups fairly full. These muffins won't rise much. Bake for 30 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
And then eat until your heart's content, no matter the pumpkin season! These gluten free pumpkin spice muffins stay good in the fridge for a couple days or a couple of months in the freezer.
If you like them and/or are looking for something similar to try (at least as far as the health profile goes -- the flavor is quite different) -- you will undoubtedly enjoy our gluten free zucchini bread. They, too, work well as muffins and are SO good. We don't hesitate to eat them for breakfast to start our days off right!
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Click here to jump straight to our recommendations for traveling with kids.
Traveling with kids is one of the most important gifts you can give them. By taking your children with you on a trip, you communicate that they’re important and that you value their company. Moreover, travel is beneficial for their developing brains. Traveling with your kids triggers a neurochemical reaction that reduces stress and allows them to refuel emotionally*. It offers an ‘enriched’ environment because everything is new and different, which results in enhanced sensory, cognitive, and motor stimulation**.
But just because it’s important, doesn’t mean it’s easy. Having a well thought out game plan for road trips, flights, and train trips goes a long way to keeping your kids occupied and happy. Plus, time spent traveling is a great environment for learning rather than just "zoning out."
Since your child can't fly the plane himself (nope, no way), we’ve found the next best thing to entertain him: the top five types of travel products that you need for your next trip. We’ve specifically selected practical and inexpensive items that will keep your child entertained for longer periods of time and promote creative thinking for a variety of age ranges.
Our list has something for everyone. It’s a collection of the best travel toys, activities, games, and crafts to keep your kids busy while stimulating their creativity. Whether you’re heading out on a road trip, taking a long-haul flight, or preparing for a train trip, you’ll find some great options for preschoolers, grade school children, and tweens.
When you consider which travel products to pack, you want to consider the following:
Expert tip: It’s a good idea to keep travel toys packed away in a box at home so that when it’s time to take a trip, the products will seem ‘new’ and will have fresh appeal. It also helps to have a couple of new items for each journey that a child can unwrap when you need a distraction, buy some time, or avoid a meltdown.
There are five types of products to consider when planning your next vacation with the kids. The items we’ve listed are designed to encourage creativity and learning, as well as keeping your children occupied for long trips.
Coloring books and crayons were popular with previous generations, and not much has changed. According to Dr. Richard House***, a psychologist specializing in childhood development, coloring books work well to engage children’s creativity. We love these reusable coloring books (afflinks). If your child will have access to a tray table (such as in a train or on a plane), choose a pack of crayons where the crayons won't roll off. Crayola’s triangular crayons are ideal for this. And if you want to keep your kids and their things a little more contained (and perhaps cleaner), this activity tray is fantastic.
For older kids, coloring can still be a great way to pass the time on a trip. Washable markers and a couple of travel-size books in which to draw will keep them entertained for hours.
We also really like these magnetic drawing boards for a super easy option.
There is a wide range of craft activities to choose from, and the best options will vary depending on the child’s age and interests. It’s important to stick to a budget with crafts as the costs can quickly add up. Some inexpensive suggestions include stickers and lacing boards for younger kids and bead kits for grade schoolers.
For preschoolers, sticker books are a no-mess option for long travel days. Plus, they're great for developing fine motor skills. We've played with these reusable stickers for hours on end. These are fun when we're feeling wild.
Lacing boards like this one are a compact activity that works well for young kids in enclosed spaces. They’re good for developing fine-motor control and are an excellent addition to your travel bag, as they’re small and light-weight. Although they appear to be for younger kids, ours have asked for them repeatedly on trips over the years. There must be something cathartic about them, at least in our kids' minds.
Although bead kits contain small pieces and pieces that can get lost, our kids have spent hours on end stringing paper clips together. If you get colorful ones like these, they can come up with all sorts of designs and creative DIY crafts. Amazing, huh? Plus, if you happen to lose one, it's just a paper clip, so nothing irreplaceable.
Depending on the age of your child, there are a number of games that work well for long travel days. Games encourage creativity as they require problem-solving and decision making. For little kids, we like ones where parts can't get lost, such as this magnetic maze.
Remember the card games you used to play growing up? They haven’t lost their appeal and kids as young as 4 or 5 can participate. Teach your kids to play Old Maid, Crazy Eights and Go Fish, and they’ll be hooked. And all you need to do is remember to pack a deck of cards.
For older kids, travel versions of popular games such as checkers, hangman, and tic-tac-toe can keep them entertained for hours (especially if you are willing to play with them). Chess in particular significantly improves critical and creative thinking skills****.
Books are a must-have for any vacation with kids and can inspire curiosity and an understanding of the world around them. Consider where you’re traveling to, do some research and select a couple of books they'll enjoy. Books about the places you're going can be fun, too.
If your children grade-school age or older but not enthusiastic readers, they might enjoy creating their own stories or keeping journals of their holiday.
Puzzles are great for creativity. They build cognitive skills, encourage problem-solving, fine motor development and hand-eye coordination. Generally, they are not a good option for travel, but magnetic options designed specifically for travel will keep your kids (and you!) entertained for hours. Our children spend hours on this magnetic travel-themed puzzle, this construction puzzle, and of course, this unicorn puzzle.
Whether you’re planning the holiday of a lifetime or a local weekend away with your kids, it helps to be prepared. You'll find the rest of our travel recommendations for safety and entertainment here on this page.
Wise people have said that it's not about the destination; it's about the journey. We'd like your journey to be fun!
We’d love to hear from you. Let us know if there are any great travel products that you’d recommend for traveling with kids!
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Sources:
*https://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/family-holidays/the-science-behind-how-holidays-make-your-child-happier-and-smarter/
**https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/nan.12102
***https://edition.cnn.com/2016/07/18/health/coloring-books-pros-cons/index.html
****http://www.scholasticchess.mb.ca/docs/ciers.pdf
At one of the schools I have the pleasure of visiting regularly, this week's craft table featured what the teacher appropriately called the "paper guillotine," along with some glue and paper. At one point, an unsuspecting adult walked over and saw the setup. She inquired, only half-jokingly, "Oh, is this the table where you slice off your finger and then glue it right back on?" I laughed, albeit a little nervously. I admit I wondered the same thing when I first saw the guillotine. These are four- and five-year-olds using a very sharp tool, after all. However, I trust the kids' teacher implicitly, so if the paper guillotine is out, we go with it (with appropriate supervision).
Every week, I hear adults guide children as well as they can to help ensure their safety and well-being. What troubles me, though, is that despite their unquestionably good intentions, I all too often hear the adults telling the kids what not to do, without further comment or guidance. With all the time I spend in child-focused settings (schools and otherwise), I often get firsthand insight into the kids' experiences.
The "nots" and "don'ts" serve a valid purpose in our adult brains. They convey to our kids what they aren't supposed to do. They also leave me feeling really, well, deflated at the end of the day. And the adults aren't correcting me. They're correcting the kids. What's intended as helpful correction sometimes comes across as criticism and disapproval, and the kids' self-confidence simply can't thrive in that environment.*
To be sure, kids need guidance. They need discipline in the sense of "teaching," along with clear boundaries. And they need support while they figure out what we adults expect of them. Janet Lansbury, early childhood expert, writes extensively about the different forms boundaries take and how to navigate them with your kids, while building their self-confidence. Although she often writes about toddlers, the concepts she unpacked for me in this life-changing book still apply long after toddlerhood (afflinks). This is another great book that's full of practical suggestions and real-life scenarios.
That said, the tricky part is that just by virtue of being kids, they're, um, new here. To Earth. Their brains are still figuring out all sorts of things the rest of us have known for awhile. And in their defense, while many of them can and do understand what not to do, they still need help connecting the dots to what they should do, instead. Even school-age children have only been in school for a short time, and they're still figuring out how the rules and communication styles differ from person to person; classroom to classroom.
And in almost all the places where I see adults (both teachers and parents) interacting with children, I see all sorts of completely avoidable emotional strife. If we adults tweak our approach just a bit, it can remove any doubt in the child's mind about what we really want from them, while helping grow their self-confidence. We can make life easier for them and for ourselves. Who wants unnecessary conflict, anyway?
Here's what I've seen some of the best adult-leaders (teachers and parents) do that works beautifully. As the mother of my own child, I'm trying to emulate these concepts.
Every time you feel a "don't" or a "stop" message about to come out of your mouth, replace it with the opposite, positive statement. Rather than "Don't push," try, "Please keep your hands to yourself." If it helps you practice until it comes naturally, you can add the "do." Example: "Please do keep your hands to yourself." Instead of, "Stop throwing papers on the floor," try, "Please keep papers on the table." "Please walk" is just as easy to say as "Don't run," but the emotional tone is much more empowering. The child will know exactly what to do.
It's amazing how much less defensively kids (and, ahem, adults) respond when they're given positive instructions rather than directives that imply they're about to misbehave, even when they're doing everything right. From what I've witnessed, it makes a huge difference in the tone of the room, be it a classroom or at home.
A common pitfall I observe is when adults get the positive wording right, but then they attach a threat or consequence to it. For example, "Keep the crayons in the box or I'll have to take them away." Unfortunately, this approach strengthens kids' self-confidence no better than negative instructions do. Both activate the same part of the brain that signals danger, and it's hard to thrive that way. An example of what would convey the same message without the threat would be, "The crayons are for later, so please leave them in the box. First, it's time for a story."
I love it when I hear an adult call out kids who are doing something right. The catch here is to avoid indirectly shaming the kids who aren't doing it right, but rather, to build trust that we see kids in all their goodness. I love hearing, "Hey, I noticed how everyone in the class was quiet while I was explaining our activity today. I really appreciate that." Or, quietly to a child in the classroom, "Matty, I noticed you kept your hands to yourself today. Thanks for doing that." Alternatively, at home, "Thank you so much for cleaning up your spill without me asking you to do it! You sure do know how to help around here. I appreciate you."
I love how kids glow when they hear that they're getting things right.
In the class with the paper guillotine, what worked beautifully was this: "This tool is really sharp. The only thing that can go under the blade is paper. Keep your fingers out from under it when you push down on the lever." I'm happy to report that no fingers or other appendages became victims of the paper guillotine that day. All of the kids knew exactly what to do with the tool, because they'd been told what to do with it. We took the time to clearly and positively instruct them. Everyone who tried it appeared to find it fascinating, and dare I say, fun. Every single one of the kids went in giving the machine the side-eye, but knowing what to do, their self-confidence grew when it worked.
Raising our own children can be a lot like that: seemingly kind of scary at first, but when everyone figures out what to do, life can really go quite smoothly. The more we practice positive parenting, the more our confidence in the process can grow. And with peaceful smiles on our faces, we'll watch our kids' self-confidence soar.
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*Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201106/your-child-s-self-esteem-starts-you
Childhood fears are as real to them, as our adult ones are to us. Case in point, when my daughter was younger and before I better understood highly sensitive children (afflinks), we drove past Seattle's Fremont Troll and it scared the heck out of her. She dubbed it the second scariest thing in the universe, coming in on her list only behind the scary mice from the Nutcracker ballet.
Now, this was a tricky one, because we'd both seen the troll. I couldn't deny it was there; she didn't imagine it. It was, and is, real.
Bedtime was a mess for a long time thereafter. Eventually, it got easier again...for awhile. But sure enough, before long (and always just as I thought her fear was behind us), the troll would raise its metaphorical head in her bedroom. It became the bane of her existence.
Using my adult logic, I told her it was made of stone and that it couldn't move. It was just a statue. We delved more deeply into physiology than I thought we would at her age, but she wanted to know everything about how real bodies work versus this stone one.
She certainly didn't talk about it often, but if something were to keep her up at night, this was it. So, I did some research about kids' fears.
So, um, good luck, kids!
Knowing this, you see there's not a lot of sense into talking to a part of our kids' brains that can't completely comprehend the message. Scary is scary; fear is fear. Sure, you can (and should) let a child know when something isn't actually a danger to them (and why), but neither logic nor telling them they shouldn't be afraid will address the root of the problem. In fact, telling them not to be afraid might have the effect of making them feel you don't "hear" their concerns. Even as an adult, if another adult were to tell me I shouldn't feel my feelings, their advice would go over like a lead balloon. My feelings are valid to me. My child's feelings are equally valid to her.
So, what can you do when your child expresses a fear, real or imaginary, and you want to support him through it? How can you solve the problem?
This is a tricky one for adults because it feels counterintuitive, but our best option isn't to do something. We can't fix a problem that's not our own. Instead, empathize with your child (highly sensitive or not). Whether it's a monster in the closet, a fear of the dark, or many other common childhood fears, the process is often the same. Here's what I had to learn.
Ironically, this means talking (and "solving") less. I had to refrain from offering my logic and suggestions. If you're anything like me, it will likely feel uncomfortable to you, and might even feel like you're reinforcing the opposite of what you want to convey. Much of active listening involves playing back what you've heard.
The most thorough description I've read of active listening, with loads of examples for all ages (yep, I mean all), is in this phenomenal book. I highly recommend it--it goes well beyond what you'll read here and is an amazing tool to help foster connection and encourage your kids--even older ones--to open up to you. Heck, even my marriage works better when I use the tools therein, but I digress. (Note: I thought I knew what active listening entailed until I read the details. It's not quite as obvious as it sounds, but is an incredibly helpful book for adults. For a kids' "how-to" book about managing worries and anxiety, this book is great.)
Here's how active listening to process the fear transpired in our house:
Her: "Why is the scary troll so scary?"
Me: "You feel really afraid when you think about the troll."
Her: "Yes. It's too scary for me and I want it to go away."
Me: "You wish it would disappear forever. I see how hard it is to fall asleep when you're scared."
Her: "It's SO hard, Mommy! I keep thinking about it. Please don't leave the room."
Me: "I'll stay with you. I'm here for you and I love you."
Was it really the troll keeping her up, or was she afraid of being alone and using it as a scapegoat? It doesn't matter; she needed support and wanted my presence, so I gave it to her. We continued this way for many a night. She wasn't ready for more. Knowing my child as I do, pushing her beyond where she's comfortable would've backfired. It always works better when I trust her timing. In various ways, she indicated that this conversation alone was exactly what she needed. Once she knew I was staying, sleep would come quickly for her, knowing she was heard and supported.
I knew she was ready for the next phase of processing her fear when I tried something new--integrating the troll into a story--and she didn't push back on my attempts. When I'd tried earlier in the process, she'd nervously asked me to stop, so I did. When she listened to the story, I knew she was ready.
By that, I don't mean I waited to see what happened; I made the object of her fear a little less frightening through play (without minimizing her concern). It's was a fine line; I made sure she felt fully supported and emotionally safe before I tried it. One night, I added this:
Her: "Why is the scary troll so scary?"
Me: "It really scares you. (Thoughtful pause.) You know...I wonder how it would look if it were pink."
Her: "Less scary."
Me: "Yeah. I'm going to paint it pink. And paint its hair purple."
Her (slightly smiling): "And its eye, pink sparkle."
Every night, we'd mentally paint the troll different colors.
"I'm going to tell you a story where it becomes a pink helper troll. The troll isn't scary in this story; in fact, it's only a costume to scare away the scary mice (from the aforementioned Nutcracker ballet). This troll protects children..."
She wanted this story for a long time. Eventually, she contributed to the storytelling. This troll became one of the best do-gooders of any character she knew.
All along the way (and during daylight hours only), I'd been suggesting that one day, we go visit the troll that started it all. Up until this point, she had steadfastly refused. I respected her refusal. Putting myself in her shoes, I wouldn't want someone to force me to literally face one of my strongest adult fears up close, if I weren't ready.
I also didn't bring up the troll proactively. When I tried that approach, it seemed to increase her anxiety about it. The process worked better when the troll just found its way into her requests from time to time, as it always did. Sometimes, weeks would pass before it would rear its head again. And each time, we dealt with it, and I tested the waters to see if we could move forward a bit.
One day while talking about it, she asked if we could go and paint a door on the troll. Although I knew adding any form of permanent graffiti on a public work of art wouldn't be acceptable, I felt hopeful and intrigued.
Me: "Yes, we can go visit the troll. And tell me more. Why would you paint a door on it?"
Her: "Because the troll isn't really a troll. He's just a shell filled with chocolate cake, and if we paint a door, we can open it and go inside and get some cake."
Me: "Yes, we can do that. Permanent paint isn't allowed on the troll, but I wonder if we can draw a door on it with chalk. Would that work?"
Her: "Yes, it would. Let's do that. Let's go put the chalk in the car now."
She chose purple, and we embarked upon our very real mission to face hear fear and get the imaginary cake from the troll.
Once we got to the troll, though, she announced, "Mommy, I don't want to draw on it anymore."
My heart sank. I assumed her fear had come back and that we were back to square one (or at least close to it).
Much to my surprise, she matter of factly added, "I don't need the chalk because I'm not afraid of it anymore. It's not scary. It's just...a statue."
Wow.
A lot of single moments, that is. It took a lot of active listening. It took a lot of "baby steps," meeting her right where she was emotionally--encouraging progress, and promoting her ability to conquer her fear without forcing it. This wasn't a band-aid solution. She wouldn't "get over it" just by being instructed to do so. It took time and patience. Most of all, it took trust.
It's still awhile before my child is a teenager, but I want her to be fully rooted in the fact that I do hear her. I want to build the foundation that I can see her perspective before the issues get trickier. I want her to know that I get it, whatever "it" turns out to be.
Cleaning with kids isn't easy---sometimes it seems like all they want to do is play! One day, though, everything changed in how I viewed the process. Suddenly, life got a whole lot easier.
I was in the kitchen making homemade almond butter (yum!). My five-year-old walked in with her cup of water and announced, "Mommy, let's pretend you're working in a bakery!" That sounds about right, considering how much time I spend cooking.
She added, "I've brought my cup of water for any of your customers who want it!"
As she started towards me, water still in hand, her steps turned into bunny hops. (I love how kids do that.) However, as she quickly learned, hopping with an open cup of water quickly makes for a wet bunny-child and slippery floor.
I reminded her that we keep rags in the drawer near where she was standing. Usually, reminding her where the cleaning supplies live (or where things go) works much better than a direct request to clean.
Example of what doesn't fly in our house: "Please put away your shoes."
What usually works better: "Shoes live in the utility room."
This time, however, when I reminded her where we keep the rags, she responded with a happy and factual tone, "That's not my job." That's right--she just had me working in a bakery, so she must do something else for a living. A five-year-old has to earn her keep somehow, right?
Ahem. New strategy required. Fortunately, I've read some amazing books that address situations like these, including cleaning with kids. My favorites are this one and this one (afflinks) and they've inspired much of how we live.
That aside, knowing that Dictator Mommy--the part of me that's sometimes tempted to tell her what to do--usually (and rightfully) gets overthrown, I realized that playing along was my best bet.
"Oh," I informed her, "This is what's called a cooperative bakery! Instead of paying money, all the customers who come in pay for their donuts by doing a specific job when they get here." I held up my imaginary donut. "Today, you get to help me wipe up the bakery floor!"
"Ooh," she responded, wide-eyed and ready, "Okay!" Off she went, and within seconds, she'd wiped up the spill. I handed her a delicious piece of air, which she happily pretended to gobble up.
It's not always that easy, of course.
Truth be told, I'd always rather play than clean, so how can I blame her? Happily, we do find ways to make it easy sometimes.
Another day, we had to clean the hardwood floors, but she really didn't want to. She wanted me to play with her. I heard her out, empathized, and agreed that playing with her would be more fun. Still, sometimes "no" has to happen with a loving limit. I reassured her that we'd play again as soon as the floors were done.
I got out our floor mop along with its colorful and eco-friendly reusable pads. Much to our surprise, however, the crazy yellow pad didn't want to go on the mop! I pretended it was trying to--really?--give me a haircut! I was shocked and appalled. There was NO WAY I'd allow it to touch my head. Once I finally convinced it to stay on the floor, it managed to pull me all over the place in directions I didn't want to go. Cheeky mop!
Within moments, my daughter needed a turn. And do you know what? That crazy Yellow Fellow (as we dubbed him) pulled her all through the living room and down the hallway. It even pulled her into the bathroom. Such nerve it had pulling her around like that! I made sure she knew all the while how "broken" the Yellow Fellow was. For awhile, she even traded it for her own cleaning tools. She thought it was hilarious, even if she knew full well that she was the one "driving" them. And she cleaned the floor thoroughly because, on some level, she knew exactly what the tools were supposed to do.
Sometimes, we play the "Whatever You Do" game, in which I dramatically say things like, "Whatever you do, do NOT unload the silverware from the dishwasher. That would be SO TERRIBLE! I couldn't bear to watch!" She knows by the smile in my eyes that I'm joking. And then I feign horror as she tortures me with her work. As an aside, this one translates well to a whole host of situations. I started saying it when she was about three (along with explaining how the game worked the first time I tried it). It's worked like magic ever since.
When the toys, art supplies, or whatever-it-is get out of control, sometimes it's simply a safety issue. In this case, I'll present it accurately as my own problem, as in, "I'm worried someone will trip on all of this. Let's find a safe place to put this doll / this ball / this whatever-it-is. Where can we put it to keep everyone safe?" I choose one item at a time to avoid overwhelming her with the enormity of the task. It may look like a quick and easy job to my adult eyes, but her eyes--and her brain--see things differently.
And for whatever reason, speaking in her terms and "putting things to bed" really resonates with her. We pick up her toys and put them all to bed, even if they're things like cars or tractors. This strategy has worked quite effectively since she was about two. Sometimes we do a variation of it and find "parking places" for things, but all sorts of toys and books simply need their shuteye. If she pushes back, empathizing and reminding her that they'll wake up again in the morning usually helps.
Most importantly, I respect that if someone asked me to clean spur of the moment, I might push back, too (especially if I were in the middle of doing something else). Cleaning with kids is no different. If she simply won't help some days, that's okay. I let it go and don't force it. I respond sincerely, "I trust you'll help me next time." More often than not, she does help the next time. A single power struggle just isn't worth her resisting in the future if she starts to see cleaning as a control issue.
She loves it when I offer to help her. Like all kids, she craves connection and togetherness more than just about anything else. Knowing I'll be with her while we work helps accomplish that for her. In fact, she often says, "Oh good--we get to spend more time together if we clean!" (Yeah, I raised an eyebrow the first time she said it, but it's true.) And now, she's sometimes quite proactive when she sees a mess that needs cleaning, with or without my help. She didn't learn by being told what to do. She learned by observing and by being invited.
Reminding myself what's appropriate for her age really helps, too. Just like I don't expect her to take the car in for an oil change, I also understand that some tasks are simply beyond her ability. And her ability might not look the same every day, depending on all sorts of variables. Picking up all the Legos while her favorite TV show is on might, sometimes, legitimately be too overwhelming or distracting for her developing brain.
Is my house perfect? Heck no. It's nowhere near what it used to be before I had a child, and I really appreciate a heads up before friends stop over. Rather than lowering the bar entirely, though (hey, that'd just be one more thing to trip over), we've found ways to work together. We've created a low-pressure household where we all help each other by choice rather than by mandate. We don't call cleaning "chores" or attach a financial or other physical rewards to our work. In truth, I don't "get" her to do anything. We just agree to help each other without forcing it. It works surprisingly well.
I dare say cleaning with kids can sometimes be incredibly fun.
If you're anything like me, hints of cooler weather have you savoring the last sparkling lemonades and crunchy salads of the Summer, while also looking forward to savory soups and steamy, hot drinks. As visions of pumpkins dance through my head (and at the grocery stores and coffee shop menus), I can close my eyes and smell the cinnamon and nutmeg. These images bring me to Pumpkin-Spiced 
Dandelion Root Latte. Say what?? I bet the coffee shop around the corner doesn’t have that on the menu! But it should. Let me tell you why!
Fall is a the season when most plants are sending their energy back towards earth. They have spent Spring and Summer bursting out towards the sky, basking in the warmth and nourishment of the Sun, and engaging with the world around them in expressions of scent and color and texture and movement.
As the weather cools, they drop leaves and flowers and anything else extraneous. For some plants, all of their energy was sent into their seeds to benefit future generations. Other plants have anchored themselves deep into the earth, drawing out the nourishment and strength needed to get through the tougher season ahead. They concentrate their energy, including nutrients, in their roots. When we harvest these roots, we can benefit from these stored minerals and vitamins that plants so efficiently mine from their environment.
When you think of edible roots, you might think carrots, beets, and potatoes. I hope that after reading this, you will also think Dandelion! Yes, that “weed” that has people spending millions of dollars every year to eradicate is actually a valuable edible and medicinal! Colonists brought to the 'New World’ to grow in their gardens! Dandelion, or Taraxacum officinale to make it sound more respectable perhaps, has been valued by herbalists for centuries for supporting and strengthening the liver.
With the barrage of chemicals our bodies experience these days and the fast pace of modern lives, our livers work overtime to cleanse and detoxify our bodies. When the liver is overtaxed, people experience hormonal and emotional imbalances, poor digestion, weakened immunity, and lack of energy.
When you nourish your liver, it becomes more effective at storing iron and filtering out nutrients from the blood. You will see an increase in your energy (the liver stores glucose and releases it as needed). You will be better at responding to stress in your daily life. Your immune system will be less taxed and therefore stronger to resist attack. And you will find your emotions to be less of an extreme rollercoaster ride. While ‘balance’ is a hot topic these days (is it the goal or is it unachievable?), I argue that Dandelion brings balance in ways you might not have known you needed it.
Some people talk about roasted Dandelion root tea as a coffee substitute. It has a similar bitter profile (the bitter taste stimulates digestion to improve nutritional absorption and boost metabolism). However, the taste is not quite the same. Coffee is actually a medicinal herb in its own right, but many people are in the habit of drinking too much of it. If you enjoy drinking coffee because of its deep, roasted flavor or the creaminess some coffees, but are hoping to cut down on your caffeine intake, you may enjoy this drink as a substitute. But I encourage you to try this drink for its own merit.
Now about those autumnal spices I mentioned. Cinnamon, nutmeg, clove, allspice and ginger are warming herbs that also support nutrient absorption and ease digestive discomfort. Herbalists call them carminatives. The scents we so enjoy from these spices are due to their essential oils which generally have anti-bacterial and anti-microbial properties. And, don’t they just make you feel good? It’s not all in your head! While ‘pumpkin spice’ is not an official blend, it is usually made up of a combination of these spices. And adding it to your food and drinks allows you to reap the benefits.
While I like to harvest and roast the roots myself (making my kitchen smell so amazing!), and blend up the spices so they are fresh and potent, you can absolutely make this Pumpkin-Spiced Dandelion Root Latte without much effort. Boil, steep, strain, sip! Enjoy!
Pumpkin-Spiced Dandelion Root Latte
Steep tea in 8 ounces of freshly boiled water.
Warm milk or cream in small saucepan with spices and sweetener if desired.
Remove tea bag or strain tea.
Add milk/cream-spice blend and froth it if possible!
Inhale. Exhale. Sip and Enjoy!
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Sarah Cody, guest blogger, is a Family Herbalist and homeschooling Mother to three strong daughters. Despite having moved around quite a bit in the past few years between the Rocky Mountains of Colorado to the Green Mountains of Vermont and most recently the Smoky Mountains of North Carolina, she always finds a way to have herbs growing for teas and other herbal medicinals. She loves to paint and read and explore the great outdoors and tries to find time to leave her mark online at http://www.aButterflyHerder.com
See more recipes like this on our Dandelion Seeds Positive Wellness page! Our must-have kitchen items are under the Food & Health section of Things We Love.
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Due to my Mom’s work as an international model and actress, I spent most of my formative years surrounded by some of the World’s Most Beautiful People. Some, like my Mom, just happened to be beautiful on the inside, too, but that certainly wasn’t the case for everyone. Couple my surroundings with my passion for ballet and the level of fitness that ballet requires, along with normal peer pressure to look good, and I developed kind of a skewed perception of what makes a beautiful body. Sure, I had enough self-esteem to get by, but it was tricky territory.
With that as the backdrop, I’ve been very intentional with my daughter about the subjects of beauty and self-confidence. Although I’m not a model for magazines, I most certainly am her role model. I’m her Mommy. When she sees me look at my face or body in the mirror, I want her to see a woman who accepts every bit of her physical self (or, at least, a woman who’s gentle with herself).
Awhile back, I wrote about my daughter’s and my first “official” discussion about beauty and its effect on her self-esteem. Ever since that day, we’ve openly and often talked about healthy bodies, exercise, and nutrition. We read wonderful books about liking ourselves (afflink), and as far as I can tell, she’s growing in self-love and confidence. Most of all, we’ve discussed inner beauty. Focusing on the qualities that contribute to who we are and what we believe is so much more important than how we look. That’s what matters, right? All the external stuff is fleeting.
My child has seen me put on makeup and has asked me why I do it. I work to keep my answer as low key as possible. I’ve never mentioned wanting too look or feel prettier. I’ve intentionally divorced it from how I depict self-worth. I usually say something along the lines of “I just like to wear it,” or “I’ve worn it since I was young, so it’s habit.” Up until today, she acted as if she bought it.
I should’ve known better. Kids always seem to know when there’s more to the story.
As I waited for her to finish her breakfast today, I pulled out my makeup bag at the table and started applying concealer.
“Why are you doing that, Mommy?”
I replied with one of my trusty fallback lines.
To my surprise, she responded, “Mommy, I don’t think you need it to be more beautiful. I think you’re pretty just as you are. What matters is that you’re kind, and you’re kind with or without makeup.”
My heart melted at her sweet statement. Shortly thereafter, my inner voice replied, “But I still need makeup.” Outwardly, I just looked at her and smiled. I thanked her.
I know I’ve never told her that I wear it to make myself prettier. I sincerely don’t know where she got the idea.
Holding my lipstick in limbo halfway between my makeup bag and my face, I thought about what she was really saying. I realized that she was watching closely to see whether I agreed or disagreed with her. Despite what I tell her, what makes me feel good about my appearance? Is it something internal or external? I knew this would be one of those “teachable moments” about self-esteem and self-worth.
At the risk of sounding completely vain, I struggled briefly with what to do. I mentally catalogued who we’d see that day, and to what extent I wanted to look “a certain way.” Now, my “certain way” is fine, but I stress–I’m quite regular looking and currently quite sun deprived.
I paused. Then, I did what any self-respecting woman would do. I said, “You’re right. I don’t need makeup to be pretty.”
And we went about our day, both of us makeup-less and genuinely happy about it–-her, because she’s little, and me, because I’m her role model. If I’m going to tell her that what matters most is inner beauty, then I need to live it, especially when she’s watching. And asking.
This was a test. It didn’t matter who we’d see today.
We both know I’ll wear makeup again, and that’s fine, too. Sometimes I’ll even put on fancy jewelry or break out my “good jeans” (hey, I’m a Mom).
I felt more free today than I have for awhile–not because I lacked makeup, but because my child gave me an opportunity to overthrow my old way of thinking. There’s nothing I “need” to do just because I’ve always done it. She helped me escape my own hypocrisy, telling her one thing but holding myself to a different standard. I’m thankful that my daughter continues to teach me what’s really important. I’m glad she’s holding me to what I attempt to teach her about self-esteem. She has every right to do that.
Half the people in our city are sick this week. Half. No good, I say! We like feeling healthy and strong, thank you very much. I have no time to be down with a cold or flu. So, to the extent that I can, I'm giving my body every tool imaginable to keep it working properly and happily. My Instant Pot® stew is one such tool, and I'm thankful for it (afflinks).
Inspired by the memory of a wonderful soup friends in Québec City made for me years ago, I looked up some of the best warming ingredients I could find and decided to experiment with them. Since, unfortunately, my husband is one of the people who's down with a cold, I didn't want to invest a lot of time shopping and cooking. I wanted to create something that would give us all the benefits of germ-fighting powerhouse foods but without losing hours in the kitchen that I could be spending elsewhere (like sanitizing everything in my house from top to bottom).
I'm happy to report that my experiment worked! Now, we're the proud owners of a brand new recipe that's downright good--not only for the body, but for our spirits, too. It's an all-around feel-good meal. Who knew we could make our own comfort food?
Part of what makes this recipe so easy is that everything goes straight from being chopped to directly in the Instant Pot.
Option #1: Up until now, this is a vegan recipe (if you've used vegetable broth or water). If that's not your thing, you can add meat (my husband likes chicken).
Option #2: Spice it up with 1 tsp (or more) turmeric powder.
Option #3: Bonus health points if you add fresh greens! I like basil, but just about any green, including carrot greens, can work great here.
Turn on the Instant Pot to your "Stew" setting and set it for 15 minutes. We used the quick release function at the end, and it turned out perfectly! Add seasonings to taste, if need be, but I like it just as it is. If it's too thick for your liking, you can always add more water.
Serves four adults.
Be well!