I haven't met Dr. Vanessa Lapointe in person (yet), but I can say without hesitation that I'd trust her to watch my child. If you know anything about me, you'll know that I pretty much don't let anyone watch my child. And she's technically a stranger...so this isn't a lighthearted endorsement. Her first book that I read, Discipline without Damage, had me at "hello"---it simply resonated with me on every level. (afflinks) Now that she's added Parenting Right from the Start to our parenting tool kits, we all need to put it on our must-read list for parenting books.

Parenting Right from the Start is one of the closest things I've found to the manual we all wish accompanied our babies when they're born.

It's a game changer for parents who want to do better for their children. Aside from covering a lot of "basics" (among others, sleep, eating, toilet training, and positive discipline), here's what I like about it:

• It gets us right in the feels. The way she weaves her firsthand accounts of parenting into her books makes her book entirely relatable, and therefore, enjoyable to read. She comes across as a friend confiding in us; trusting us with her heart. Her book is entirely disarming; she gives us permission to be as human as we all are, faults and all.
• She's obviously smart. She's a psychologist with nearly two decades of professional experience, well versed in the the steps away from behaviorism and towards attachment theory, and so much more. You won't wonder whether she's credible and whether her suggestions work. Her professional experience backs up everything she suggests. Moreover, the level of detail she includes about child development helps us really understand how our kids' brains work at different stages---and what they need from us. This alone would make the book worthwhile. Knowledge like this simply makes parenting easier.
• She blends science and heart together to explain why her suggestions work. Every bit as importantly, she tells us how to implement them in our daily lives (and that's what's missing from so many other parenting books). This approach makes it really easy for us to internalize her message and share it with others when opportunities arise. After all, we want the parents in our social circles and elsewhere to learn about positive, respectful, conscious parenting too, right?

Dr. Lapointe understands different temperaments and how to parent different children differently.

If the book weren't helpful enough already, Dr. Lapointe includes a section about "dandelion children" vs. "orchid children." Anyone with a highly sensitive child might know these terms; they refer to two distinctly different temperaments and their abilities to thrive in different circumstances. This knowledge is near and dear to my heart as a parent raising an orchid (a highly sensitive child). Regardless whether this analogy speaks to you, Dr. Lapointe's expertise about individual differences among children---and the most effective ways to parent them---is unquestionably beneficial.

Personally, one of the things I most appreciate about Parenting Right from the Start is that Dr. Lapointe makes it okay to parent differently from those around us.

She helps us examine our own "wiring" as parents. She helps us understand the beliefs with which we enter into parenthood and might not even realize we have. It's beyond beneficial; it's a therapeutic mindset from which we all can benefit.

One of my own struggles when I was a new mom was feeling isolated in my parenting style. Most of the other moms I knew were raising their kids in a way that just didn't work for my heart. I longed for other like-minded adults to connect with in my parenting journey, often wondering if I was just way off base. Fortunately, I did find my proverbial tribe (and some other great parenting books along the way), but how much nicer it would've been to have Dr. Lapointe's professional expertise in my back pocket from the start! I'd have felt more sure of the approach that I follow with my whole heart and with full confidence, now.

Life presents us with plenty of opportunities to make the world a better place. Parenting Right from the Start helps us do that.

If I were to sum up the book in a sentence, I'd say it's a book about how to foster a lifelong and positive connection with your child. When it comes right down to it, that's what's most important. And that's exactly what this book helps us do in big and little ways.

From a place of connection, our kids feel safe to be who they are; to embrace the goodness that we've imparted to them; and to carry it out into the world beyond our homes. After all, that's a wonderful measure of success as parents, isn't it?

I was sitting poolside in Florida, all by myself. I italicize that because it was a fairly momentous event. I am hardly ever alone. As in, pretty much never, not even for a minute. So, it felt like a fairly big deal to have my husband entertaining my daughter in the nearby pool (but out of earshot from me), and to have almost no one around. The lounge chairs were nearly empty; it was chilly by Florida standards.

I superficially noticed a woman sitting pretty close to the chair I'd chosen, but I didn't pay her much attention.

I sat back to read my book. Upon internalizing that I could do nothing, however, I closed my eyes and kind of zoned out.

After a few seconds, I heard the nearby woman exclaim, "Oh, I am SO sorry!"

I looked up and saw that a dripping wet young child was standing between us. Although I was still perfectly dry, the mama must've assumed her daughter had gotten me wet somehow. Smiling back sincerely, I offered, "Oh, there's nothing to apologize for! I'm dry. Plus, I have a five-year-old, so I totally get it."

Her daughter ran back to the pool. The mom, however, held my gaze.

"You DO?" she inquired. "Mine just turned five and it's throwing me for a loop. It's so hard and I just don't know what to do with her. Is it like that for you, too?"

As if I'd planned it, but of course I hadn't, I displayed my handy visual aid. I held out the book I'd brought to read poolside---Discipline Without Damage by Dr. Vanessa Lapointe, R. Psych (afflink)---and replied warmly and truthfully, "We're all still learning."

Her jaw just about hit the ground. She asked to take a photo of the book's cover, and I offered it willingly.

"It's so hard," she said with her beautifully thick southern accent. "I've done it all wrong."

I was surprised how much she was confiding in me as a total stranger, but somehow, our conversation felt entirely natural.

She continued, "I nursed her for too long. She was three when she stopped. And I should've started punishing her when she was littler; taking things away; smacking; doing what all my friends with older kids said I should do. I'm really too late, aren't I? The last thing I want is a kid who doesn't grow up respecting me. I mean, she still sleeps in my bed. I'm doing it all wrong."

Gently, I offered, "I'm so glad you're here. I want you to know that you didn't nurse her for too long. You did what worked for you both. Also, let me tell you---I know some things about this. I'm a mama, too, and sometimes I help other parents. A lot changes at age five. Your girl's brain chemistry has just changed substantially; it just is hard while you learn about this new version of the same child you've always had. Punishment is never the answer. Building a positive lifelong connection with her, is. Respect comes from trust. You're doing it right."

She blinked back tears.

I repeated with love, "This is all normal. You're doing it right."

She cried tears of relief. I got a little misty, too, because...well, when in Rome, right? Here we were, two strangers, who "got" each other.

We talked through a few specifics of her parenting and of her daughter.

She told me that earlier that day, she'd prayed that someone would just "sit right down next to me at the pool today and tell me what to do." She confessed that her heart wasn't hearing the answer by itself, so she'd decided to be specific in her request.

Now, to be clear, I would never call myself an answer to prayer. If anything, when I was "zoning" moments before our conversation, I'd been seeking a bit of direction, myself. Sometimes I wonder if I should be doing what I'm doing, as a gentle parenting writer. It feels right in my heart, but for all the time I invest in it, does it actually help anybody?

When we finished our conversation, she hugged me like a long-lost friend. She thanked me, but really, the gratitude and clarity in my own heart were overwhelming.

If we're wondering whether gentle parenting is "right" when so much of the world seems anything but gentle, sometimes we need to look no farther than the person right next to us. Even more, we need to trust that something greater than us is at work, and that we're all exactly where we're supposed to be.